PART III - Chapter 19: SOUVENIRS

 

 

Chapter 19

Souvenirs

(Ó 2010)

It was the third morning of his stopover in Havana. Logan was taking a long warm shower, preparing for his departure from the hotel. He was scheduled for a flight in the afternoon that would take him to George Town in the Cayman Islands. There he had plans to meet Mr. Benjamin Sebastian, the President of the bank in the Cayman’s where Logan had been depositing money he had commandeered from the South Side Stone Soldiers, and the other notorious Chicago street gangs that he confronted.

 

Once there, he would initiate the process and procedures of having all the assets in his accounts transferred to a Swiss bank.

He turned off the faucet, stepped out from the shower and took hold of the large, thick white bath towel that was hanging on a hook in the wall nest to the shower door. He first dried off his hair and the top of his head, and then patted his face dry. He dried off his chest then under his arms, where then he threw the towel over his shoulders, grabbed one end in each hand, and pulled the towel back and forth to dry off his back. He then wrapped the towel around his waist and step to the mirror in front of the bathroom sinks.

The mirror itself was covered from the steam of the shower. Logan took one of the smaller towels and wiped away the steam, there he saw himself in the mirror, and like every other morning, saw the scars on his chest and abdomen. He took for granted the sight of them, but this morning, he focused in on them.

The three long marks crossing his torso, and the smaller one on his right side, with his right hand he gently touched and followed each of the three long marks. “Caesar.” He said in an inaudible whisper. He then placed his hand on the right side of his lower back, to feel the scar that was there, and then to back of his left shoulder blade, to feel the disfigurement that he had there.

He then touched the long marks on his chest again, and thought back. The stories behind them, these marks, these scars, what he would always refer to as his “souvenirs”. - - -

 

 

- - - “Good morning my sweet,” Lily greeted with when Logan opened the door of his apartment when her heard her knocking, “am I too early?”

 

“No, not at all.” he answered, he seemed taken aback, and stood there with the door open for a few seconds.

 

Lily noticed his behavior, “Is there something wrong luv?”

 

“Oh no it’s just … you sure are pretty in the morning.” He said still standing holding the door open. She was in blue denims with a v-neck top, in her signature lavender. Her curly hair tied behind her head and she was wearing silver hoop earrings. She had a small silver crucifix that almost looked fragile, and it seemed to rest gently upon her chest.

 

“Why thank you luv,” she said smiling at him, “may I come in?”

 

“What? Oh yes, sorry, yeah of course, come on in.” He stepped aside and let her come through the door. “I just made some coffee, would you like some?”

 

“Yes, that would be nice, she said stepping up right in front of him, “however first things first.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a long slow wet kiss. When she finished she opened her eyes and said softly, “Good morning.”

 

 

“Good morning.” he answered just as softly.

 

She released him and looked around to his apartment. Right off, she noticed how orderly and spotless his home was. It appeared to her that everything was kept meticulously. “Lovely place you have dear, it seems that whoever your cleaning lady is, she does her best to earn her wages.”

 

“Cleaning lady? I don’t have a cleaning lady.”

 

She gave Logan an expression of surprise, “Are you saying you do your own housekeeping?”

 

“Sure do, I always have.” he answered confidently.

 

She looked again at him amazed and looked over the apartment again. She looked into the dining area and the kitchen and everything was impeccable. “This may seem a strange request dear; however, may I see your bathroom?”

 

“Sure, it’s right there.” he said pointing to the direction.

She stepped into the bathroom and it was just as immaculate as the rest of the apartment, the floors, sinks and mirrors were spotless. The faucets, showerhead and water handles were polished and shining. The door from the bathroom was open and she saw his bedroom. It was the bed that she was impressed with most. It was made to almost precision, the blankets and comforters folded perfectly, all furniture flawlessly dusted and waxed.

 

“You are totally responsible for the way your flat appears?” She said, “I suppose that I should add the words ‘clean’ and ‘tidy’ to the words I said to you before you left last night.”

 

“Why does this surprise you?” he asked.

 

“Because, I have two brothers and mother was constantly after them for how messy they always were. There poor wives have inherited their negligence now.” She looked around again, “I’m very impressed.”

 

“Thanks; come sit down, I’ll pour you a cup.” He then guided her to the table and pulled the chair out for her. She took her seat and he then settled her in.

She pulled his chair next to her, “Sit beside me dear.”

 He brought her a cup for and another for himself. He had an old fashion stove percolator that was still brewing on a low flame. He picked it up by the handle and filled her cup first, then his own. “You like cream and sugar?” he asked.

 

“Yes please.”

 

He then placed a sugar bowl in from of her, and then went to his refrigerator to retrieve a small container of cream.

“Thank you dear.” She said and the added one spoonful of sugar and a little cream to her coffee, then stirred. “Would you like some?”

“No thanks, I prefer it black most of the time.” he said.

“You do? Oh, just like my daddy.” She smiled. She took her first sip and again looked around his home. “You don’t know how much I am impressed how tidy you keep you home. Tell me, did you help your mother when you were a little boy?”
 

“Logan smiled, “Yeah I did, and I use to help her with dishes and hang laundry and such. I got good enough at it to take over for her after she died.” Logan then had a thought. He looked a Lily and asked, “Would you like to see a picture of her?”

 Lily looked thrilled, “Why yes, of course I would!” she exclaimed.

“Wait here a second.” Logan stood and went into his bedroom. Lily heard as he opened his closet doors and retrieve something, a moment later he returned and sat down back next to her. In his hand was a double folded hinged brass frame made to hold two photographs. He handed it to her, “Go ahead and open it.”

 

Lily turned the double frame lengthwise and opened it, and when she saw the picture on the left side and she gasped slightly, “Oh Logan, she was beautiful.” Lily looked at the woman in the picture on the right, she was standing erect and proud with her arms folded, her long black hair parted in the middle held in place by a traditional headband and she was wearing a dress that was customary to the Lakota Sioux. Her smile radiated from her face.

 

“Thank you.” Logan said proudly.

 

She then looked at other picture to see the same woman sitting on a chair. She was holding a little boy on her lap and she still had that beautiful smile on her face, they were sitting what appeared to be in the openness of a mountainous valley. She looked happy to have the little boy with her. “Logan? Is this you?” Lily asked.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Oh my Lord, you were so utterly adorable,” she exclaimed, “look at those chubby little cheeks. How old were you here?”

“I was two there. That was taken on the rez.”

 

“The what?” she asked curiously.

 

 

“The rez. It’s short for the reservation.” He answered, “That was our home on the Sioux reservation in South Dakota.

 

Lily stared at the pictures for a few more seconds, then asked “Logan, why don’t you have these displayed somewhere in the room?”

 

 

Logan answered solemnly, “I don’t want anything to happen to them. There the only things I have left of her, so I keep them in a safe place.”

 

 

She saw the concern on his face; she felt that to him … those pictures were priceless; she thought a second and an idea came to her. She began stoking his hair and said gently, “One of my best clients is a photographer honey. He could probably make some copies of these for you; maybe even restore them to their original quality.”

 

 

“Really, you think he can?” he asked eagerly.

 

 

“Oh, I’m almost certain of it, however,” she looked to the large leather rocking chair in the living area, next to the chair was a side table with a lamp, “do you sit there most of the time dear?” she asked.

 

 

“Yeah, I read and watch the television there.”

 

 

“Well, until I speak with my client,” she then stood and stepped to the table, and placed the photographs there in front of the lamp, then made slight adjustments to center them, when she finished she turned to Logan and said, “there, a place for her to be right next to her son … as it should be.”
 

 

Logan looked at where she placed the photos, “He’ll be careful when he makes the copies right?”

 

“I’ll make certain of it luv.” she assured him.

He looked where the photos sat and said, “Yes … as it should be.”

Lily came back and returned to her seat, “What was her name sweetheart? What was your mother’s name?”

 

“Tara,” he answered, “her ‘wasichu’ name was Tara.”

 

 

“Tara, that is a beautiful name. But, what do you mean by … what was that word?”

 

 

“Wasichu, it means anything referring to the white man, even though it has no suggestion to color, it means anything that is not Indian. She had a Lakota name also.”

 

“Really? What was it?”

 

 

“When mama was born, it was right after a rainstorm. The first thing my grandmother saw right after mama was born was a rainbow in the distance, and she saw a bird that was flying back and forth inside the bow part of the rainbow. So she gave my mother the name ‘Bird in the Rainbow’.”

 

“Oh my, ‘Bird in the Rainbow’, that’s beautiful Logan,” she said. “Do all those of the Lakota have a name given to them?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have one?” she asked with her signature half smile.

 

A small embarrassed smile came to Logan’s face and he answered, “Uh … yeah.”

 

“Tell me, what is it?”

 

 

“It was given to me by my grand-uncles. They gave it to me when I was two, around when that picture was taken I guess, from a character trait that I have. When I would spend those summers on the reservation, and they were all teaching me the ways of the Lakota, I would get frustrated sometimes. Like when they were teaching me how to throw the knife or axe, or running, and even the Sioux rituals. When I would make a mistake, or when I was competing in a game or something, I would get this look on my face. I would scrunch it up, my nose would wrinkle, my eyebrows would like pinch together, my eyes would be open, but my eyelids would be like flexed, my mouth would be drawn back and I would grit my teeth. Because I was determined to get whatever it was right, or to win at any completion I was in. So, one evening while they were playing some Lakota game with me, I was getting frustrated trying to win it, and I started to do that thing with my face. Then one of my grand-uncles said, ‘look at him, he scowls like the wolf!’ ” Logan then paused.

 

 

“And so?” Lily asked.

“So, that’s what they named me,” Logan said, “My Lakota name translated means, ‘Scowls Like the Wolf’”.

 

Lily widened her eyes and smiled, “I’ve seen that look on you luv, it fits perfectly. I like it though. ‘Scowls Like the Wolf’, as you once said to me, ‘appropriate’”.

 

 

“My mother called me by that name all the time.” Logan said quietly, “I remember things like, ‘finish your dinner Scowls Like the Wolf,’ or ‘time to come in now, Scowls like the Wolf,’ or when I would go to bed she would tuck me in and whisper in my ear, ‘good night Scowls Like the Wolf, Mama loves you’. She was one of the few people in the world who was allowed to call me by that name.”

 

Lily folded her hands on his shoulder and looked at him flirtatiously, “May I call you by that name honey.” She then did the slow blink of her eyes that he told Bricey about, which drove him crazy.

“Yes … yes you can.”

“Well come then Scowls Like the Wolf; you’re going to take me to a lovely outdoor café of my choice for brunch.”

With that, Logan put the coffee cups in his sink, put on his leather jacket and they both left his apartment. Once onto the street Logan hailed a taxi and Lily gave the driver instructions for their destination. They arrived there within ten minutes time on the Champs Elysees. Logan could see the Arc de Triomphe in the distance as he exited the cab onto the tree lined sidewalks that paralleled the busy street.

 

“It’s just up this way luv.” Lily said to him pointing up the sidewalk. Logan paid the taxi driver and then joined her. They strolled up the sidewalk about fifty yards when she came to a small archway, which led to an outdoor café. “Here it is dear. What do you think?”

 

“Very nice, real nice.” he answered. The café was at the end of a cobblestone outdoor veranda, however there were tables with umbrella on outside. They took one of the tables outside, the waiter came to serve them … and that’s how their day together began. The first most wonderful time Logan had spending with someone in over two decades.

 

They spent the day just strolling and taking taxis about the city. They window-shopped, watched street performers, and had conversations on each other’s interests. Logan told her, much to her surprise, how his favorite place to visit was the Louvre. To Logan’s surprise he found out that she herself was a football fan.

 

“Yes I’m quite fond of the game,” she said, “you couldn’t help it at our home, having two brothers plus my father. And, it’s Chelsea in our house, strictly enforced I might add”

 

“Uh-oh.” Logan said raising his eyebrows.

 

What’s the matter luv?’ she asked.

 

 

“I’ve become partial to Arsenal in the English League.”

“Well, you’re forgiven dear; I guess you’ve been misguided somehow.”

She told him all about her home life in London and of the trips her mother and she would take to Marseilles and all over the French countryside, and how they would always spend time in Paris together at the end of each holiday.

“That’s how I fell in love with it here.”

“Somehow, I just can’t imagine you being anywhere else.” He said to her.

Logan told her about life on the reservation, of the history and traditions of the Lakota Sioux. He told her of the lighter side of his job, of the more comical situations that have happened and of the strange people that he comes across.

 

They ended up strolling together along the banks of the Seine River from the Debilly Footbridge to the Trocadero Gardens. As evening came along, they found themselves in one of the many smaller restaurants where they had wine and dinner. 

 

After dinner she and he stepped out onto the sidewalk, she took him by his arm, looked up to him and said, “Let’s go back to my place honey.” He hailed for a taxi and one pulled up to them in seconds. He held the door open and she slipped into the back seat, he did the same then shut the door. When he settled in the seat, she moved close to him, lifted his arm up and wrapped it around her; she then placed her head on his chest, moved it upward and began kissing his neck. She slipped both her arms around his body and he drew her closer.

Logan was now in a state of disbelief, he again couldn’t believe that this was coming back into his life. Something that he had come to believe was never going to be for him. A common thing that seemed to come so easy for everyone else. The emotion of caring and feeling deeply for someone, and that feeling was being returned. Yes, could love be actually returning to him? He would lie in bed sometimes at night wondering if it ever would. He would see how effortless it seemed for everyone. Nevertheless, he came to believe that it was something that was for everyone else, and just wasn’t for him.

It had all been taken away since that time … that time before he was Logan.

Now, he was riding in a taxi holding onto to whom he believed was the most beautiful woman in the world, and she was holding onto him. He did not want to let her go. For the first time in over two decades, he felt like he belonged to somebody, and she, him. He felt like he belonged with everything around him.

Soon they were in front of Lily’s apartment building, they exited the taxi, Logan paid the driver, and he then sped away leaving them alone on the sidewalk. They both embraced with a long passionate kiss. To Logan, nothing mattered more than this time with her, all the bad things that happened in his recent history, as well as the extended, were vacant from his memory. All that existed was he, her, and whatever space they were both occupying.

 

When they finished with their kiss, Lily nestled her face into his chest, “Let’s go upstairs luv.” she said. She then released him, took him by the hand and entered her building. She led him up the stairs to her front door; she unlocked the door and led him inside. Once she shut and locked the door behind them, they fell into another passionate embrace with another long, slow, moist kiss.
 

When they finished she released herself from him and took off her jacket then placed it on the sofa, “Let me have your coat honey.” She said holding out her hand. Logan took off his leather jacket and handed it to her, she then placed it on top her own. She held out her hand to him and he took it in his. She then led him to her bedroom.

 

She switched on the light; her room was also done in light lavender. She had a large bed with a canopy with a sheer veil around it. The light switch was the dial variety so that she could control the brightness of the lights, she dimmed them halfway. She then once again took him by the hand and she led him to her bed, she sat down on the edge and he sat next to her. The embraced in another kiss and the gently pulled him to lie down, there they both were letting their passion build and her hands began to roam and caress his body, as his did to hers. Another long, warm, moist kiss combined with a tight embrace.

 

Lily stopped and sat up. She took off her hoop earrings, undid her hair and let it fall over her shoulders. She gently placed her earrings and hair band on the table next to her bed. Logan sat up also, she turned and looked into his eyes, and there was a silence between them. She crossed her hands around her sides and grabbed onto the sides of hear sweater, and slowly removed it from her and over her head, leaving on a light pastel lavender brassiere. She then placed her sweater on the table, and then turned to see Logan gazing at her. “What is it sweetheart?” she asked.

 

“I … never in my life,” he said with wonder, “never … have I seen anything that is more beautiful than you.”

 

 

She embraced and kissed him again, this time there was more passion. Logan felt her skin; to him the words ‘soft’, ‘smooth’ and ‘supple’ were not enough to describe it. Her hair was the same way, to compare it to silk was to him to cliché, Her softness, the firmness of her body, her scent, her hair, the way she kissed him, to him, she was unique, in a caste all by herself.

 

Her arms were tightly around his neck as she kissed him. She then brought her hands and cupped his face, continuing the kiss. She then placed her hands on his shoulders, caressing and massaging them. Then she began to slide her hands down his chest to his sides, she then gently clasped her hands on the sides of his shirt, and began lovingly to tug at it.

 

Suddenly, Logan quickly grabbed her wrists firmly yet gently, his eyes widened and he gasped. Lily was startled and she looked at him, he had an expression of panic on his face. He slowly took her hands away from him and released them. He looked at her and stood up, he now looked confused, he was panting lightly and his hands were shaking.

 

“What is it Logan? What’s the matter?” Lily asked concerned.

“I …” was all he could say.

“Logan, don’t you want to be with me?” she asked.

“Yes … more than anything … it’s just … I …” he stuttered.

“Just what luv?”

His hands were beginning to tremble. “It’s just … that … well…” he took hold of his shirt, “do I have to take this off?”

 

 

Lily narrowed her eyes her eyes in confusion; she then gave her half smile and answered, “It’s only fair honey, I’m not wearing mine.” She saw that her attempt at humor had no effect on him, and his trembling was now traveling up his hands and into the rest of his body.

 

“You …” he said still panting.

“Me?” She asked quietly, “What about me?”

“You …” he said looking down at his shirt, “you … make me …” he then looked up at her, “you make me forget about things.”

“Things? What things? Logan what is the matter?” She asked, now getting more concerned, “You can tell me, please honey, you’re beginning to frighten me.”

“I … I just don’t want you to …” he said, his bottom lip now was beginning to tremble.

Lily stood up from her bed and went over to him, she caressed his face and stroked his temples, “Logan dear, calm down, you can tell me, it’s alright, everything is alright.”

“I … I just don’t … want you to … see me.” He whispered.

“Why honey? Is there something wrong? Is there something wrong with you?” She asked whispering back.

 

He nodded ‘yes’ slowly.

 

“It’s okay Logan, it’s okay, nothing could be that bad.” She said. Now she pulled his head down to her shoulder and she stroked the back of his head, attempting to comfort him, “Really dear, nothing could be that bad, and it would not make a bit of difference to me anyway, it’s what is inside you that is making me… well … feel close to you.”

 

He slowly pulled away from her, “You don’t think so … huh?” He led her back to her bed and motioned for her to sit down. When she did so he went over to the light switch and turned it so the room was then brightly lit. He turned to her, and then stepped in front of her at about a four-foot distance. “You promise that you won’t like … you know … overreact … or anything like that?”

 

“Yes Logan, I promise.” She said.

He then dropped his head and took a deep breath, and then another one, he clutched the side of his shirt and bent over and pulled it off. He then stood up straight holding the shirt to his chest. He then dropped his arms holding his shirt in his right hand.

Lily looked at him and gave a slight gasp, bringing her hands to her mouth. Logan kept his head down and he closed his eyes. There were three long scars going across the entire length of his chest and torso. The top scar went the length from his left shoulder to his right. The second or middle scar, started right below the top one on the left shoulder, then curved around the top of his left breast, curving around downward between his breasts, and then curving under his right breast down across his rib cage. The third bottom one ran horizontally across his abdomen.

 

There was a fourth smaller one, going vertically about two inches in length on his right side, just below the bottom scar.

Logan then began to slightly pant again, his body now trembled. He took a deep breath, and slowly turned himself around so that his back was to her. He heard her give out another slight gasp.

Lily saw two more scars on his back. There, on the lower right of his back was a scar shaped almost perfectly like the letter ‘S’. However, his left shoulder blade bore the scar tissue of a third degree burn. Logan then turned to her and saw that she had tears beginning to stream down her face.

 

 

“Oh, that’s not all.” He said, and he unbuckled his belt and undid his trousers. He pulled them down to his knees and showed his right upper leg where there were five crater like puncture scars. He then pulled his trouser back up. He stood there with his head down, still trembling, not saying a word.

 

“Logan?” She asked quietly, breaking the silence, she seemed as if she were about to cry, “What happened to you sweetheart? Were in in a terrible accident or something?”

 

 

“No,” he said through his tightening throat, “no … I didn’t get these through any accident.”

 

“Then what is it luv? What was it that happened to you?” She asked, her voice breaking somewhat.

He then lifted his head up to look at her and said simply, “Combat.”

“Combat?” she said confused, “As in a war? Logan … were you a soldier?”

“Some people would argue that I was … some called us something else.” He said solemnly.

“And what would that be?”

“Some people called us mercenaries, some say soldier of fortune.” He answered.

“What was it Logan? What were you involved with?”

 

 

Logan sighed, “I was in the Legion.”

 

“The Legion? Logan do you mean Le Legion Etrangere?” She was now in total amazement. “Are you saying to me that you were a Legionnaire?”

 

 

“Yeah.” He answered, “You’re looking at what remains of Sergeant Chef Logan Ian Morrow of the 2^nd R.E.P., and these … well … these are my souvenirs” He placed his hand on his leg, “These? I got these in Zaire.” He then began doing and imitation of someone with a deep English cockney accent, “Little bastard, almost took out me best goalkeeper.” He then placed his right hand on his left shoulder above the burn, “This I got in Chad a few years back.”

 

 

He looked to Lily; she had an expression that everything that was being shown to her, and that everything be said, was totaling mind-boggling.

 

He then began to stroke the scars on his chest, now tears began to fill his eyes. “These though … these I got in South America … in French Guiana.” He looked up at her and he began to have tears well up in his eyes, “The night I got these … my best friend was killed right in front of me.”

 

 

Lily stood and came over to him, she took him by the hand and brought him back over to her bed, she lied down and pulled him gently to her. He placed his head on her chest and she stroked his head, “It’s okay my sweet, everything is going to be alright.” She felt his body hitch, the warmth of his sighs on her chest and the tepid dampness of his tears that began to flow slowly from his eyes.

 

 

After a few minutes, he began to regain control of himself, Lily then whispered in his ear, “Tell me about your friend.” After a few quiet moments, Logan began to tell her about the ordeal with his best friend, Caesar - - -

* * *

- - - “His name was Caesarea Gianni, but I called him Caesar, he was from Italy, Tuscany actually, he’s the guy who taught me how to speak Italian, and I taught him English. I met him in Kourou, in French Guiana. I was being trained as a Deep Reconnaissance Commando and the Legion decided that I needed some jungle warfare training, so the transferred me to their base in South America.

“I went to the quarters that they had assigned to me and he was sitting on the edge of his bunk, which just so happened to be next to mine. When I first saw him he had a stern tough look on his face, and you would first think by looking at his size that he was just no guy to even look at the wrong way. His head was always shaven clean. However when I came to my bunk and put my gear down, this big smile came on his face and he stood up, shook my hand and introduced himself. He was one of the happiest people I have ever known. Always positive, always looking to the bright side of everything. I was wondering why a man like him even was in the Legion, considering who it attracted most of the time. Turns out, he joined up just for the adventure and to see the different side of the world.

 

“He told me, ‘Yes, I can see the beautiful side of life in Rome, Milan, Paris, Monte Carlo and such, but seeing and experiencing places like this makes me appreciate the little things more.’ I guess you could say the Caesar was a romantic.

“Oh, and the fact that he was Italian, and from Tuscany, I have to tell you, that guy could cook. I mean he could take a giant tree spider, and by the time he worked his magic on it, you’d be craving to eat it, and begging for more when it was all gone.

 

 

“We hit it off right away. We became buds, the best of friends, and that helped make the training, and just living in French Guiana bearable. The training there is intense, running through the jungle, hell what am I saying, we had to live in the jungle. If you’re not wet from the swamps and marshes then you’re always wet from the humidity, and when you were in the jungle, there were natural dangers all around. If it wasn’t some poisonous plants, then there was something that would crawl on you and bite or sting you. The snakes were always silent and you had to be on the lookout for them, and the millions of birds making whatever calls they make, constantly, it could drive you insane after a while.

 

“But, like I said, Caesar was a romantic. He showed it when we would go into town. There was this little saloon that was patronized by the locals. This girl named Santrina owned it, and Caesar was crazy about her. The first night that I had off, he made certain that I went with him to her place so that I could see her. She was a dark skinned local girl, very beautiful, and Caesar, to say would dish out the charm and the compliments would be an understatement. He would tell her all the time what a timeless beauty she was, hell, he even sang her Italian love songs, aloud and in front of God and everybody.

“She would come to out table with beers and he would look at me while she was setting the beers down, ‘so, paison, you think my mama will love Santrina after I marry here and take her back to Tuscany?’

 

 

“I would answer, ‘If you love her dude, then your mama will too.’

 

“But, Santrina would always play ‘hard to get’ with him, I mean the whole time I knew her, she would act like she didn’t like him. ‘What makes you think I’d marry you?’ she would snap at him.

 

He just would put that big smile on his face and look at her and just pour it on, ‘Because I will never stop my lovely jungle flower, you will come to your senses and realize that no other man around will be as good to you as I will. You will break down, because I’ll never give up.’

“And he never did … right up until …

 

 

“We had to do a patrol in the jungle around Kourou, which meant that he and I would be spending about three weeks together literally living in the middle of the rainforest. We had some supplies, lots of ammo, and a radio, which we were to use only for reports and in emergencies. We had to take a pirogues, which is a boat made from a hollow tree and go down a river some kilometers. We would get to our assigned area and patrol the jungle. There has been a war going on there for some time and there were a lot of mercenary operations going on. Every once in a while you would see a body floating in the river because of these guerillas We were the extension of the surveillance post between Brazil and Suriname. You had to be on the alert at all times. Those natural dangers that I mentioned? Well, the two-legged kind was the most dangerous.

 

 

“I remember while we were in the pirogues he asked me, ‘Hey Paison, if you could be anywhere else right now where would it be?’

 

 

“I thought about it for a moment then I said, ’Let’s see it’s July. Oh, I know, Tiger Stadium.’

 

 

“He then asked, ‘What is Tiger Stadium?’

 

 

“I told him it’s where my favorite baseball team plays, ’Yeah, nice clear warm sunny day, catch an afternoon game, going their with your buddies, having Vernor’s ginger ale and hot dogs, cheering your team on, yeah, that’s where I’d like to be. How about you?’

 

“He said, ‘I’d like to be in Tuscany, outside in the gardens by the vineyards, with all my family and friends gathered for my wedding, with Santrina.’

 

 

“I looked at him and said, ‘Caesar, for the first time I’d have to say that I believe your really in love with that girl.’

 

“He said to me, ’I’m not fooling around there paison, I will take her back with me, even if I have to live here after I’m done in the Legion.’ - - -

 

 

- - - Logan stopped talking; he seemed lost in his memory. Lily continued to hold him and caress his temples, “Go on sweetheart.” she whispered. - - -

 

 

- - - “We were out there for about eight days and nights. It was after dark so we though we would sit and rest for a while. We were in a complete silent mode, just signals, whispers, and such. He was only about ten feet away from me when it happened. I was taking a drink from my canteen, I turned to look at him and he nodded. I looked in my away to the direction that I was facing, keeping my eyes and ears open. I was looking there for a minute and the thought I heard him say something. I looked at him again and he appeared to be fine, he was still just sitting there. In a few more minutes, I looked at him and snapped my fingers lightly to let him know that I was ready to move out.

 

“But, he didn’t move, I made the noise again, but he didn’t move. I moved towards him and tapped him on the shoulder, just hard enough to wake him in case he fell asleep or something, and he then just slumped over.- - -

 

 

- - - “I don’t know where they came from,” he said to Lily, “but apparently they had been near us, they were either following us, or we just happened to stumble upon them.” - - -

 - - - “There were two of them, I don’t know who they were, but next thing I know there was a bright light in my face, and when your eyes have adjusted to the dark of the jungle for all that time, the flashlight they used really blinded me. I was kicked in the stomach and struck about my head and I went down on my face. I attempted to spring to my feet but they both were then on top of me and my head was spinning.

“Next thing I know they both had these bright flashlights on me. The one on top of me had me in a hold where he had my arms locked behind me. The other one now was getting off me and I looked up to see him kneeling with this huge like Bowie knife in his hands. There was blood on it, it was Caesar’s blood, they had come up from behind him and stabbed him in the back.

“They were speaking in Spanish, at the time I didn’t, so I knew then that they were not from around there. The one in front of me then took the knife and slipped it under the collar of my shirt; he then proceeded to cut my shirt off me by slicing it right down the middle. He then pushed my face into the ground and they didn’t say anything for a minute, then I felt this burning feeling on my back, Samuel was cutting me there - - -

 

 

- - - “Samuel?” Lily asked.

 

“Yeah, his name was Samuel.”

“How did you know his name?”

Logan looked up to her and quietly said, “One, I heard the guy holding me down call him by name; and two … that’s his initial carved on my back.” - - -

 

 

“I held my scream in as best I could; I gritted my teeth and kept it down in my throat. Then Samuel punched me on the back of my head so that he could keep me dizzy and off balance. They then both stood me up. Samuel then cut and ripped off the rest of my shirt. Samuel came up close to me and grabbed me by my ear to force me to hold my head up. He held the knife in front of me, making sure that I could see it; he then cut me across my chest very quickly. I held my scream in again, and then he cut me a second time. This time he did it slow going down from my shoulder, down the middle of my chest, and then almost around my side.

 

I muffled my scream again, and that’s what seemed to piss him off, that I was not screaming in terror, so he cut me a third time, across my stomach and that made me bend forward. Samuel then took a couple of steps back and started speaking to the other guy holding me, the had a little conversation going on and they were even having a few laughs, Samuel really looked like he was enjoying what was going to happen. Then the conversation stopped. He started to pace back and forth looking at me, waving the knife at me. Then he stopped moving and I saw this sardonic smile come to his face, and he was wiping the knife on his pants. Right then, I knew what they were going to do to me - - -

 

 

- - - “They were going to skin me alive.” Logan said. “Turns out that Samuel was a real sadistic bastard, I knew right then and there that this is something that he’s done before and that he really enjoys it.”

 

Lily gasped slightly when he said this, “This explains …” she began to say.

“Explains what?”

“This explains … why you lost your temper so … with Charles that night,” she said, “Charles … with his knife.”

 

Logan didn’t acknowledge what she had just said to him, he paused for a second then continued - - -
 

- - - “I was still bent down I could feel the burn as the salt from my sweat began to pour into my cuts. I heard them as they started to both laugh, I looked up at Samuel and he made a motion with the knife by his ears, he was telling me that he was about to cut off mine just for beginners. I really thought that within the next few hours, I would be dead. I then looked over to Caesar, his lifeless body lying just a few feet from me.

 

“Then … I felt … something, I heard something telling me that I was NOT going to die this way, not this night, not by these two scumbags. I felt something in me telling me that if there is the slightest chance to save myself … to take it. I then started to feel the anger build up in me. They just killed my best friend and that had to be avenged. I could feel myself as my breathing became heavy, they both must have thought that it was fear, but it wasn’t. It was rage, and my survivor instincts taking over.

 

 

“Samuel then stepped up to me, he spoke and it sounded like he was asking me something. I slowly turned my face towards him … it must have been the expression on my face that made him hesitate, that made him look to me for a split second that something was wrong, and it was not going to go his way. When I saw this look on his face, I locked my arms so that I sort of reversed what the guy holding me was doing, I was now holding him. And with everything that I had, I let out a scream and kicked up my right foot, and caught Samuel square under his chin. He went flying upwards and backwards. I then brought my leg backwards as hard as I could and drove the heel of my boot directly on the shin of the guy holding me. I heard the bone break, and he let out a scream from the pain.

 

“He then immediately let go of me and he bent over to grab onto his leg. I quickly turned, wrapped my arms around his neck and then turned and twisted it.; I broke his neck, killing him instantly.

“I turned and was now facing to Samuel, he was still on the ground, however, he saw me and got up quickly to his feet. He had the knife in his hand, we were facing each other. It was now him and me, all alone, one on one. We both stood there very quiet for a moment, all you could hear was the jungle sounds of the animals and insects mixed with our breathing. We then charged at each other.

 

 

 “I managed to catch his wrist of the hand that held the knife, but he still managed to stab me slightly in my side. My other hand slid up his chest and to the side of his face where I grabbed hold of his ear, I twisted it violently, then I drove my forehead straight into his face. This caused him to drop the knife, I then punched him twice in his solar plexus, then I drove my palm with everything that I had left right into his forehead. The force of the blow sent him flying backwards to the ground, he was knocked unconscious.

“I found the knife lying on the ground and I picked it up. I stepped over to Samuel and I grabbed him by his hair, making him sit up. He regained consciousness and I stepped behind him, all the time holding onto his hair. I pulled his head back and looked down at him, he opened his eyes a little and looked right back at me - - -”

 

- - - Logan then stopped himself and remained quiet. He remembered what he did next; however, he did not want to tell that part of his story to Lily. It was bad enough that she was hearing this much about him. He thought to him self ‘How is she sitting here listening to this?’ He could not tell her what he did to the man who had tortured him. Logan thought of that moment, when he ‘counted coup’, just as the elders had said it was done. Logan remembered how much of a savage he had become that night. He remembered vividly when he placed the knife at Samuel’s hairline on one side of his forehead; he looked into Samuels eyes and then yelled, “I AM SCOWLS LIKE THE WOLF! MIGHTY WARRIOR OF THE LAKOTA SIOUX!” Then quickly slicing across and pulling back Samuels hair. Logan had taken off Samuel’s scalp.

 

 

Samuel screamed in pain, fear, and disbelief. Logan then had pushed him to the ground. He stepped over to the body of Samuel’s partner, stilling hold the knife in one hand and Samuel’s scalp in the other. He grabbed the man’s body by the hair, and then scalped him also. Logan then looked down at himself; his chest was now shining with his blood and perspiration. He stepped back over to Samuel, picked him up, still with the knife in one hand and the fresh scalps in the other. He set Samuel up against the closest tree. Samuel’s eyes were still wide open from the shock of what had just happened to him.

 

Logan had then jammed the knife into the tree above Samuels’s skinless and bloody bare skull. Logan then tied the two scalps together and draped them over the knife. He then grabbed Samuel by his jaw to force him to look upward, as he did so he then pushed the open bone of his skull into the bark of the tree, and Samuel screamed in pain. Logan looked him in the face and said to him “I bet you never dreamed that you’d be on the other side of the suffering.”

“Logan?” Came the soft voice of Lily, breaking him from his train of thought.

 

 

"Huh?”

 

“Are you alright honey?” She asked concerned, “You’re quivering and shaking so.”

“It’s just …”

“Just what luv?”

“It’s just that … I’ve never told anybody about this.” Logan said, his voice choking.

Lily then held him tighter, kissed him on the top of his head and stroked his hair to continue to comfort him. “Tell me the rest dear. What happened afterwards?” He decided to not tell her of what he did to Samuel or what he did to him afterwards, so he continued with - - -

 

 

- - - “I set Samuel up against a tree; he was in no shape to fight or run from me. As for myself, I was in no condition to do anything more either. The pain from my exposed wounds, the fight, and the heat and humidity were beginning to take there toll. I was still bleeding slowly, my best chance was to get to the radio that was in Caesars rucksack and call for assistance. I dropped to my hands and knees and began to move that way toward Caesar’s body.

 

“When I got to it, that’s when it really finally hit me. My best friend was dead. I began to breathe hard and I started to get emotional. I knelt next to him and I felt myself about to start to cry. I placed my hand on his shoulder. Then … I heard Caesar moan.

 

 

“I shook his shoulder a little, ‘Caesar! Caesar! You okay man? Can you hear me?’ I said to him.

 

“He opened his eyes just slightly and looked at me, ‘Ayyy, Pisano, did you get them?’ he asked me.

 

 

“I made my way around him and picked him up and held him to me. His head was resting on me, and I tried to make him comfortable. ‘Yeah, I got them.’ I answered him. I saw one of the flashlights near me and I reached over to get it. Once I did, I looked at his wound on his back. I wasn’t good, he was stabbed in the middle right of his back and it looked as if the knife went in very deep. And, he was still bleeding badly; he had already lost a lot of blood. I then scanned over to Caesars rucksack; it too was close enough for me to reach. I pulled it over to me and opened it. I found the radio and called the base for assistance, I told them that I had a down Legionnaire and that I myself was wounded. I gave them our location the best I could. They were getting a rescue party together and would be there soon. Once I was done, I grabbed onto Caesar and told him, ‘Hold on man, I got help on the way, just hold on for me man.’

 

“He looked up at me and said, ‘Pisano, I don’t believe that … I’m going to make it.’ I told him to be quiet, that he was going to. But now I started to see that his blood was now getting all over me. He looked up at me and asked me, ‘Could you do something for me my friend?’ I told him that yeah I’d do anything. He told me, ‘Tell Santrina that I was thinking about her at this moment.’ I told him that he would be going back and would be telling her himself. He then placed his hand on my forearm and squeezed it the best he could. He then said to me, ‘No Logan, when this time comes to you, you just know it, and the strange thing is, you accept it.’

 

 

“I told him that he would just have to accept it at some other time because other Legionnaires were on the way, they were coming to help us, and that I was going to get him out of there to the medics, I kept saying over and over that he was going to be alright. Finally, though he looked up at me and I stopped talking, I realized then that he was right by the look on his face. He said, “Logan my friend, please do that for me, tell Santrina, and tell mama that I love her. Promise me that my friend.’

 

 

“So … I promised him that I would.

 

 

“I wrapped my arms around him and sat there with him, comforting him the best I could his breathing was beginning to get shallow, but he told me that he wasn’t in any pain. Some moments went by but they seemed like hours. Then … he tugged at my arm a little and I looked down at him. There it was on his face, that infectious smile of his. He then said to me, ’Hey paisan, I’m glad you are here with me.’ he then asked me, ‘Santrina, she is very beautiful, isn’t she?’ - - -
 

 

- - - “Before I could answer him … he died … right there … while I was holding him.” Logan said with his voice cracking. He pushed himself up from Lily and held up his right hand. He pointed to his palm, “You see that? This little scar here?” He asked her, “He was not just my friend; he was my brother, we had a ‘we otakuyaya’, a blood brotherhood. It’s a tradition among the American Indian tribes. I cut my hand, then I cut his, we both then clasp our hands together and our blood will mix. I said to him, ‘my blood now mixes with your blood, our blood is now one, from this time forward we are brothers’.” Logan then sat up on the edge of her bed, “We don’t do that with just anybody.”

 

Lily sat up and placed her hands on his shoulders, she then rested her head there. She then caressed the back of his head, feeling the softness of his hair. Then she gently moved her hand down and placed her palm on the burned skin of his left shoulder. Logan pulled his shoulder away slightly, she clenched onto him and he stopped, “Shhh, there, there,” she whispered, “it’s all right luv, it’s all right.”

 

“No it’s not,” he said sadly, “they’re so ugly; and the situations that caused them all were even uglier.”

She pulled him back to her and she kissed him on the side of his head, “For what it’s worth honey, they are not ugly to me.” she whispered in his ear. “They don’t bother me at all, I just wasn’t prepared. I’m sorry for my reaction, please forgive me.”

He turned to look at her face, Lily eyes were filling with tears. “Why are you crying?” he asked.

“I was thinking of what happened to you with your friend,” she answered, “how did they ever find you?” - - -

 

 

- - -“I got back on the radio and guided the rescue party to us. It took them about an hour or so, but they found us. I was sitting there still holding my blood brothers body; I stayed with him the whole time until they arrived. I wasn’t worried about Samuel; he was in no shape to go anywhere. - - -

 

- - - Logan went quiet again, he was remembering the look on the faces of his fellow Legionnaires when they saw Samuels condition, and the two scalps hanging on the knife of Logan’s enemy, and the murderer of his friend.

“Logan?” Lily said, once again breaking his train of thought.

“Huh?”

“You stopped again, what happened afterwards?” - - -

 

 

- - - “They interrogated Samuel, well, let’s say, they interrogated him the way the Legionnaires would when they capture someone who has killed one of our own, and for did what he did to me. Samuel now found himself where he thought he would never be, on the receiving end of being terrorized. Samuel was involved with one of the thousands of radical political movements that are all over what seems to me, the southern hemisphere of the world. They were called something like, ‘South America only for South Americans’, something stupid like that. The French were not South American, so they were going to make the French leave. But now, all they caused was for the Legion would want revenge for what happened to other Legionnaires, and there would be no stopping them to get it.

 

“Samuel was not use to this position he was in, and after some, let’s say ‘persuasive measures’ by the Sergeant-chef, Samuel agreed to lead them to the other members of his group. Even the medics who were helping me wanted to go and get revenge and were disappointed when the Sergeant-chef ordered them to take Caesar and me back to the Legion post.

 

 

“They got me back to the fort, they cleaned me up and I had to have hundreds of stitches put in to close my wounds. It took them the rest of the night and on into late the following morning. I had to give my report to my Commanding Officer while they were doing so.

 

“Then right before noon, the rescue party returned. The Sergeant-chef came into the infirmary to see me. He told me personally what had happened. Samuel led them right to his comrades. There were about twenty of them. When they came up to there campsite, the Sergeant-Chef had the other Legionnaires quietly surrounded them, all the time Samuel was with the Sergeant-chef, who with one hand had an iron clad vice grip on the back of Samuels neck, the other he had the barrel of a .45 caliber pushed into Samuel’s ear. When all the Legionnaires were in position, the Sergeant-Chef then made Samuel stand, all the time with his hand still on the back of his neck and the gun pushed into his ear canal. When they were close enough to his comrades, the Sergeant-Chef then threw Samuel into the middle of all of them.

“The Sergeant-Chef then let out his war cry. The sound of that cry and the sight of Samuel startled all of them. That split second was all the Legionnaires needed.

“The Sergeant-Chef said that the darkness of the rain forest was lit up from the flashes of their gunfire and that he and his men avenged the death of their brother in arms. They were all ‘taken care of’ as he put it, he made sure of it by double checking, … personally, and that they left them all there to ‘let the jungle take care of it,’ as he again put it. He told me that this would send a message to all those insane political guerillas that any challenge to the Legion will be answered with extreme prejudice and with no mercy.” - - -

- - - “I was in the infirmary for about five weeks.” Logan told her, looking straight ahead, “Not only had I have to let my wounds heal, but I had come down with a bad fever because of them.” He then lowered his head and looked to the floor. Lily held him tighter and continued to stroke his hair. “They flew Caesar’s body back to Corsica. His family came over from Italy to take him home. I was so out of it from the fever that I couldn’t go to his funeral. I would not have been able to have gone anyway, because of the travel restrictions the Legion has on us.” He took in a deep sigh, “I never got a chance to say good-bye to him. I wrote his mother and told her what had happened. I told her that one of the last things he wanted me to do was to say that he loved her. We kept in touch over the years; she even came to Corsica a couple of times to visit me. Real nice woman, just like my mama was. I finally did get the opportunity to visit his grave for the first time a few years ago when I left the Legion.”

Lily saw tears coming to his eyes. “You’ve left the Legion just a few years ago?”

 

“Yes, I’ve only been with the police now since I’ve left.” he answered her, “I was recruited by my Captain some years back while I was on leave, I was here in Paris, ironically I was taking time off to recover from the wound on my shoulder. I was at the Louvre when I met him.”

Lily looked puzzled, “You’ve only been a police officer for a few years?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

 

 

“How long did you serve in Le Legion Etrangere?” she asked.

 

“Seventeen years.” He answered sighing. “I was going to only serve the fifteen years, but with all the times I was in the hospital or recovering from wounds, I figured I owed them a couple years of ‘stoppage time’, that’s what I called it anyway. Besides, I didn’t know where to go. Thank God for that chance meeting at the museum.”

Lily lifted her head from him; she had an expression of astonishment. “Seventeen years?!” she exclaimed softly, she then asked, “Logan … how old are you?”

He turned his face to her and answered, “Thirty-seven.”

 

 

“Thirty-seven!” she said in surprise, “You’re ten years older than I? But you look … you look so young. I thought you were in your twenties.”

 

“Yeah, I hear that a lot.” he said, “Does the age difference bother you?”

“No … no sweetheart, it does not bother me.” She said smiling, she then embraced him gently again and continued stroking his hair, “As a matter of fact, Daddy and mother are about the same age difference.” She put her chin back on his shoulder; she stayed silent for a few moments, and then gently asked, “How did you tell her?”

“Her?”

“The girl Santrina, how did you tell her?’

“Oh,” he said, sadness then returned to his face, and he looked down to the bedroom floor, “her.” - - -

 

- - - “I wasn’t able to see her until I recovered enough. I got a pass and went into Kourou. I went to Santrina’s tavern and as I entered, she saw me immediately. She could tell something was wrong because I was there alone and when I sat down, she saw that I was still in some discomfort from my wounds. I sat at table in the back and she came over to me. She asked, ‘So where is Caesare? Out using his Italian charm on someone else?” I looked down to the table and asked her to sit down. When she did, I told her everything that had happened.

“She cried out in anguish and began weeping uncontrollably. It turned out that she was just playing a strong game of ‘hard to get’ with Caesar. She really did have deep feelings for him, that she would have soon been returning those feelings back to him. He had indeed succeeded with what he wanted to do as far as she was concerned, he wore her down and she had fallen for him. She was so bad that night that she kicked everybody out of her tavern and closed up for a few days. She later told me that she would have gone back to Italy with him, like he wanted to. She was devastated.

“However, she did take comfort when I told her what he wanted me to do. To tell her he was thinking of her at the moment of his death.

“She was so filled with guilt and remorse too because of the ‘hard to get’ game she played, that she treated him so badly all the time, especially before he and I went out for our duty in the rain forest. - - -

 

 

- - - “I don’t know whatever became of her,” Logan said, “I’ve lost all contact with her. My tour of duty came to an end there and I was transferred back to Corsica with my original regiment.” He looked to the floor, then finally all his emotions had peaked and he began to cry. “She was so heartbroken; it was almost as if she had become Caesar’s widow.”

 

Lily held onto him now tighter and gently began to rock him back and forth, “It’s okay baby, it’s okay, let it all out, that right.” she whispered to him as she nurtured him.

 

“I’m sorry for ruining your night.” he said as he cried. “It seems that I’m becoming good at that.”

 

“Don’t worry about that my sweet,” she said and pulled him gently down to the bed, “come lie down with me.” She lay up against the pillows on her bed, holding Logan’s face to her chest as she stroked his here and rubbed his back.

 

“He was the best friend I ever had,” he said as he cried, “I really loved that guy.” Logan wrapped his arms around her waist and held her firmly. He pressed his face onto the soft skin of her chest, and released the years of sorrow over the loss of Caesar onto her. He had this bottled up inside him, never has he told anyone how he grieved, never had he anyone to hold and comfort him over it, for Logan hadn’t cried in front of anyone, or to anyone for that matter, in almost twenty years.

 

Lily held him and rocked him gently. Logan slowly became calmer, his crying drew quiet. He then fell asleep in her arms.

 

* * *

 

In the early morning hours, Logan still lay in her arms in a very deep sleep. Lily however was still awake, still caressing him, stroking his hair, and comforting him. She was thinking of how he had told her that his life was very complicated and how he should “dish it out” to her a little at a time. A statement that she now understood to be so true. She was been given a huge portion of this complication and she wondered how much more there would be.

 

Another thing she was thinking of was her feelings towards him. He had just revealed to her something of his life, his life as a Legionnaire, some would say a mercenary, she had seen some of the terrible results of that life, yet, all she wanted to do at this moment was to comfort him. She knows the story of the knife wounds. What could possibly be the stories behind the scars on his leg, and the burn on his shoulder, which she now rested her hand on? What other stories were there, where there were no scars on Logan’s body, but on his mind?

 

 

She asked herself how she could have just sat there, to listen to this terrible story of how Logan lost his friend, and how those who had taken his life had paid with theirs. How she listened to something like that and all the time did not feel repulsed or even shocked from what she was hearing, only to feel pain and sympathy for him.

 

 

She felt confused, and she needed to speak with someone. Whenever Lily felt this way, she would contact her mother or her father. However, she needed to speak with someone at that very moment, and there was one man whom she knew that she could at anytime take her troubles to. The only other man that she revered as a father.

 

She reached over Logan, took one of the pillows on her bed, and then began to slide herself away from under him. She placed the pillow under his head and then slowly placed her legs over the side of her bed then stood up. She stepped ever so quietly to her closet and opened the door slowly so as not to awaken him. When the door was opened, she reached up to the top shelf and took down a crocheted blanket. She returned to her bed and covered Logan with it, tucking him in like a child, kissed him on his head and then went out to the living room. Once there she closed the bedroom door behind her.

 

She went to her sofa and sat down. Next to her on the lamp table was a telephone. She picked up the receiver and began to dial. Once finished, she listened as the phone on the other end rang.

 

After the third ring, the sleepy voice of Clive answered, “Hallo?”

 

“Clive?” She asked somewhat whispering.

 

“Lillian? What time is it?” Clive’s voice sounded concerned, “Is everything all right?”

“Clive, I’m sorry for calling you at this hour, but, I simply must speak with you.”

 

“That is quite alright dear. Don’t worry, what is it?”

 

“May I come over to your flat for a moment?” She asked. Clive could hear from the tone of her voice that she would begin crying at any moment. “It’s rather important.”

There was a second of silence, Clive was gathering his thoughts from being suddenly awakened, then he said to her, “Why yes, yes, of course my dear.”

“Thank you Clive,” she said, sounding as if she were relieved that he said yes, “I’ll find a taxi and be over momentarily.”

 

“Why are you whispering into the phone like this Lillian?” Clive asked.

“I’ll explain everything when I arrive.” She answered, “thank you Clive, I really appreciate this. I’m so sorry to have awakened you.”

 

“Think nothing of it my dear; I’ll be waiting for you.”

 

“I’ll see you then.” Lily then hung up the phone. She went back to the doorway of her bedroom and slowly opened the door. She saw Logan still in his deep sleep. She thought to herself how strange it was that when someone retains tragic emotions within themselves for such a length of time as he did, that when they finally release that emotion, it truly exhausts them; enough so that you fall into a state of sleep in which Logan was doing at the present.

 

She silently crept back into her closet where she retrieved for herself a royal blue sweatshirt that bore the name and logo of the Chelsea Football Club, a gift from her father in England. She slipped it over her head and pulled out her curly hair from the collar. She then picked up a pair of white athletic shoes and while holding them in one hand stepped over to her bed.

 

She bent over him and whispered into his ear, “Logan?” There was no response from him, she then whispered again, “Logan?”

 

He then gave a response from his deep sleep, “Mmmmm.”
 

She whispered gently, “I must step out for just a minute hun, I’ll be right back.”

 

 

“Mmmm-mmm.”

 

 

She then kissed him on his head and stroked his hair. She quietly crept from her room and into the living room where she then shut the bedroom door behind her, she then put on her shoes, then stepped to the main door of her apartment. She opened it with extreme care so as still not to wake him. Once she was in the hallway she closed the door behind her, locked it ever so quietly, and then went down the stairway the three flights to the entrance of her building. Once outside she saw a taxi near the corner and waived to the driver, who then brought the car right up beside her. She gave the driver the address to the salon, which was just a few streets over. She went into the back seat, and then the taxi sped away with her.

 

The drive to the salon only took a few minutes and soon Lily was standing in front of Clive’s Coiffeurs. There just to the right of the main entrance of the salon was a side door where she went to and pressed the button that was for the buzzer for Clive’s home that was upstairs over the salon. Almost immediately, the response buzzer came that unlatched the door enabling her to enter. There was a stairwell inside that led up to a door, as she began to make her way upward, the door opened wide, and there stood Clive.

 

He was wearing a thick burgundy velour robe with black trim and house slippers. As she made her way up the stairs, her emotions began to overtake her and tears began to stream down her face. Clive saw that she was now beginning to cry and he held his arms out to her. When she saw this, she ran the rest of the way up the stairs, she then wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his barrel chest, crying. Clive embraced her as a father would to a daughter who needed comfort, patting her on the back and saying, “There, there my dear. What is it? What has upset you so?”
 

In a few seconds lily had composed herself and answered him, “Oh Clive, it’s Logan. He’s asleep in my bed right now.”

 

Clive guided her into his home and shut the door behind them both, then stepped over to his sofa and he sat down with her, his arm around her shoulder and she placed her head on his chest. He asked her, “Did he do anything to hurt you Lillian?”

 

 

“No, no it’s nothing at all like that,” she said, “we spent the whole day together, it was a wonderful day, and I wanted to end it in a wonderful way. So I took him back to my flat because I wanted to … you know…”

 

“You wanted to sleep with him?” He asked her gently.

 

“Yes, yes I did,” she answered, “and I know he wanted to be with me, except…”

 

“Except what Lillian?”

 

Lily lifted her head up and looked to him, “Remember how I told you that he kept telling me that his life was complicated?” She asked.

 

“Yes my dear … several times.” he said with a smile.

She gave a smile back, “Well, he wasn’t jesting when he told me that. He proves to be more complicated by the minute, with him being a policeman and all.”

“So what is it that has you so upset?”

 

She looked at him and tears began to form again in her eyes, “I went to take off his shirt … and he wouldn’t let me.” She looked down and slowly nodded her head back and forth, “Because … he didn’t want me to see him.”
 

 

“See him? See him what dear?” Clive asked confused.

 

She said in a whisper, “See him without his shirt.”
 

“Why my dear, is something wrong with him?”

 

She nodded “yes”.

“What? What is it dear? What is wrong with him?” he now asked concerned.

 

“He took off his shirt to show me,” she said, and then she began to cry, “Oh Clive, he has terrible scars.” She then buried her face into his chest.

Clive embraced her and slowly rocked her back and forth, “Scars? Scars from what my dear?”

She cried for a few moments, then lifted her face from him to look at him, “According to him, several things.” She wiped the tears from her face, “He’s been shot … stabbed … burned … and … tortured.”

Clive looked at her with an expression of total astonishment. “How could this be? Did all this happen because of his police work?”

She wiped the tears away again with her bare hand, Clive turned and picked up a box of tissues and handed it to her. “Thank you,” she said, “no not from his work with the police. This is where the complications start to come. It turns out Logan was a soldier.”

“A soldier?”

“Yes, a soldier,” she answered “in Le Legion Etrangere.”

Clive then sat up straight and looked at her, now his expression was one of total surprise, “Le Legion Etrangere!? Logan was a Legionnaire?”

 

Lily nodded, “Yes, a Legionnaire, and for seventeen years, he was a Sergeant-Chef. The fact is, he has only been involved with the police for a few years. Clive, he’s also ten years older than I am, he has the face of a baby, and I would have never of guessed his age.”

 

“Our Logan? A Legionnaire?” Clive asked, the tone in his voice made him sound as if he were proud of what he was saying. “I knew that there was something remarkably different about that man.”

Lily then told him, “He told me of an incident that happened to him in South America, an incident in which his best friend was killed, and he was tortured by the men who did it. It was terrible what he experienced.” She then dabbed at her eyes and nose then continued, “He told me that the other scars where from experiences in Africa, in Zaire and Chad.”

 

Clive’s head then shook a little; he was taken slightly aback by something that she just had said, “Zaire? Logan said he was in Zaire?”

Lily now had ceased from her crying and was speaking more calmly and normally, “Yes, he said he was, he has some strange scars on his leg that he said from something that happened to him in Zaire. Why do you ask?”

“Oh nothing my dear,” he said to her and was now speaking to her in a reassuring tone, “I was just wondering something.” He smiled at her and then stoked the top of her head. “Tell me something Lillian my dear, when he showed you these scars, how did you feel when you saw them?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, were you repulsed by the sight of them? Tell me how did you react, and how do you feel about what you have seen?

Lily thought for a few seconds and then answered, “The truth is, I was naturally shocked by the first sight of them, but then, my thoughts were of something totally different.”

“And what was that?” Clive asked.

 

Her throat began to tighten and her lip started to quiver, “All I could think of was … how much he must have suffered, of how much pain he had to deal with, and of the night in which he told me of, how alone he was, and the loss he had with the death of his friend.” Tears began to stream down her face once again, “Oh my God, how much he had to suffer and endure. I don’t even know the stories behind the other scars, or for that matter, the stories that have left no physical scars. How many of those could there be?”

Clive then embraced her again to comfort her. Her head against his large chest, and his bearded cheek rested on top of her head. “My dear Lillian,” he then said, “you have fallen hard haven’t you?”

 

“Fallen?”

 

“Yes, fallen,” He answered, “in love, you have fallen deeply in love with this man.”

 

“I have? How can you tell?”

“He reveals something to you that would have frightened any other woman.” He said, “However, you listened to him, and I take it from the fact that he is at this minute fast asleep in your bed, you were comforting him were you not?”

 

“Yes.” she whispered.

 

 

“And some other women would have been frightened by the sight which you have seen,” he told her, “but you, you are only concerned with what he may have been suffered, and you felt compassion for him.” He then lifted his head from hers, and she looked up to him, “And I will wager that no matter what he may have done in his past, you will never judge him.”
 

She slowly nodded “no”. She then asked, “Oh Clive, what should I do?”

He smiled at her and answered, “Go back to him my dear, go back to him and just love him the way you do, and I will wager everything I have that he has mutual feelings for you.”

“You think so?”

“More than that, I believe so.” He said and smiled down to her, “Go back to him my dear, go back and love him, he needs you. My Lord, could you imagine the transition that man has gone through?”

“Transition?” she asked inquisitively.

“Yes, dear Lillian, transition.” he answered, “Imagine, he was in the French Foreign Legion, perhaps the greatest fighting force in the world, and a Sergeant-Chef at that. He’s been to the most God forsaken places in the world, doing things for France that we really would not want to know of. Then, he comes to live in Paris.” He looked down at her and then said, “You know how you feel about Paris, don’t you my dear?”

“It’s the most wonderful place in the world to me.” Lily answered.

 

 

“Yes, yes indeed it is, I have to agree with you totally, and it is not because I have spent my whole life here, no.” He then lifted her chin so that she could see his face, “But, it is not as beautiful for those who are all alone here.” He then motioned her to stand, “Come now Lillian, do not leave him there all by himself, get yourself back there.”

They both stood up and he led her back to the door. He opened it and he escorted her down the stairway. He then opened the door that led to the sidewalk outside of his home and salon. He saw that the taxi driver that Lily used to get to his home was sitting on the corner in his taxi waiting for his next fare. Clive brought his hand to his lips and making a circle with his thumb and middle finger, gave out a loud whistle and hailed the taxi.

 

Lily turned to him and said, “Thank you so much Clive, I’m sorry to have bothered you.”

“Nonsense, never think of yourself as a bother to me my dear.”

She embraced him and said, “Thank you again Clive. I love you.”

Clive returned her embrace, “You are quite welcome my dear, I’m here for you anytime you need me.” He then became a little exuberant and then said, “Unbelievable, our Logan, a Legionnaire. Remarkable … magnificent!”

The taxi came up along side of the walkway and Lily went into the back seat, she told the driver to return her from where she just came. She gave Clive a small wave and the taxi the sped away. 

 

 

The ride back to her home was just as fast as when she first had left. She paid and thanked the driver then entered the building. Once inside she swiftly made her war back up the stairway, however, when she came to the last set of stairs to take her to her apartment, she slowed down to not make any sort of noise. Seconds later, she was standing in front of her door. She ever so quietly unlocked it and entered her apartment. She gently placed her purse and keys on her dining table removed her shoes then tiptoed to her bedroom door.

 

She gently pushed the door open, for a split second she was afraid that she would not see Logan there. Her fears were soon subsided when she saw him still fast asleep on her bed. She felt a warm wave of happiness flow through her. She crept back to her bed to the opposite side of him and slipped under the blanket with him. She drew herself right up beside him, then kissed his head and stroked his hair.

She brought her lips to his ear and whispered, “Logan?”

His head began to move, however he said nothing.

She stroked his hair and whispered again, “Logan … my sweet.”

“Mmmm.” Was all he could say.

“Come to me luv,” she whispered, “come rest your head on me.”

Logan shifted himself and placed his head on her chest. She held him close with one arm as she caressed his face and hair with her other hand, hold his head close to her. Logan in turn held her close to him.

“Did you go somewhere?” he asked sleepily.

“Just for a minute luv, it was nothing to worry about.” she answered gently.

They both lay there in the quiet and serenity of her room. Lily would look down to him and then out her window. She saw the early morning light of the dawn coming, bringing a brand new day in Paris.

 

She then turned and kissed him on top of his head. “Logan?” she whispered to him.

“Hmm.”

 

She turned her head downward to his ear and whispered into it, “Everything is going to be alright honey; everything is going to be alright.” She could then feel as Logan held her tighter. - - -

 

* * *

- - - He was leaning against the bathroom sink of his hotel room supporting himself with both hands; he was still standing there with the bath towel wrapped around his waist. He became aware of the water that had been running in the sink now for a short while, the stream coming from the faucet plummeting into the quarter full basin causing the water to bubble upwards. If the drain had not been left open all this time Logan would have come back from his thoughts sooner because of the water that would have been flowing to the floor.

He slowly turned and looked at himself in the steamy mirror, again, just like every other day since “it” happened, he had tears in his eyes, he had the tightness in his throat, and he had the feelings of guilt come over him. He saw his own face as some tears began to flow down his cheeks. He then shook his head hard back and forth and gave out a loud grunt as he cleared his throat to collect himself. 
 

He took some deep breaths and forced himself to not cry. For one thing that he has always been aware of, that he has always felt, every minute of every day since “it” happened, was just how much he missed her so.

He then swallowed hard and stood straight; he looked again to the scars on his front torso, then reached over to the can of shaving cream and shook it. He then wet his face with the hot water and applied a generous portion of the shave cream to his face. He then placed his razor in the stream of hot water that flowed from the faucet. He waited for the white foam on his face to work in and soften his beard. In a few moments, he began to shave of his morning stubble to prepare himself for his trip that afternoon from Havana to George Town.