Chapter 23
Before He Was Logan
(Ó 2010)
(Ó 2010)
Somewhere Over the Atlantic Ocean
He was six hours into the flight on British Airways that would first land at Heathrow International Airport in London, then he would take the connecting flight to Zurich. He sat next to the window of his first class seat watching the clouds go past as well as the suns reflection on the vast ocean below.
He had spent three days on the Grand Cayman. He met Mr. Sebastian at precisely 8:00 AM as they had both agreed. There he and Mr. Sebastian arranged and executed the transfer of all of Logan’s ‘assets’ that he had deposited though the years. Logan had accumulated six million dollars from his ‘raids and missions’ on the street gangs that he had targeted in Chicago.
He had to covertly deposit these funds in many different ways. Sometimes he would travel about the city of Chicago, going to many different currency exchanges and convenience stores to purchase money orders; then mail them to Mr. Sebastian for deposit. Many times he would travel to Canada to fly to Havana then to George Town, smuggling in the cash. There were also a few times where he rented cigarette boats from Mexico that would take him to the Grand Cayman with large quantities of cash.
All the while, no matter how the funds came, Mr. Sebastian treated every transaction as just “normal business”, that was always dealt with the greatest of confidences and discretion, which is why many people from around the world had bank accounts in the Caymans. Logan had further insured Mr. Sebastian’s confidentiality on their business together by giving him a substantial six figure bonus as a sign of appreciation for all his service for the past years.
He put on his headphones to listen to an opera that was beginning to play. It was Puccinin’s La Boheme. Lily had started his love for fine music. She started by taking him to see Luciano Pavarotti singing at the Paris Opera House. He was enthralled by him, and Lily saw how the master tenor had placed her warrior into a trance.
He began to adjust himself in his seat by lying it back and then he slid down the blind to the window. He was going to lie back, close his eyes and meditate during the entire opera. He asked his flight attendant for an extra pillow which she gladly complied to do. When the attendant returned he reached for the pillow and noticed the young woman sitting across the aisle from him. She was starting to read an article in what Logan once said was one of those seemingly endless amounts of the thousands of women’s magazines that take up most of the periodical shelves at the grocery stores. He couldn’t help but notice the title of the article she was reading because of the bold lettering.
It read: 25 SURE FIRE WAYS TO GET HIM TO POP THE QUESTION!
Logan then had a large smirk come to his face, he had to keep himself from laughing at that. He then placed the extra pillow under his neck, turned up the volume on his headset and then closed his eyes - - -
- - - At first light of morning, on what would become Logan and Lily’s wedding day, started out as uneventful as any other day. Logan woke at 5:00 AM to get in an early morning run of about ten or twelve kilometers. Around seven o’clock he was returning to his apartment, his initial plan was to take a shower, get dressed, then take Lily for breakfast when she arrived at the little cafe that he often patronized that was just down the street. He was sopping with perspiration and still breathing somewhat heavily as he walked through the front gate that leads through the veranda of his apartment complex. He checked his letterbox for his morning mail; and saw that the postman had not yet arrived. He then walked to the stairway, stepped up to the second level, and turned right to the first door to his apartment.
When he took his key out to unlock the door, to his surprise, he discovered that it was already unlocked. He turned the knob and slowly peered inside to find Lily sitting in his large rocker recliner. She had come to meet him more early than expected.
“Good morning hun.” she said softly. She was wearing her hair up, with some of her tight curly strands going down the sides of her face. She was wearing her denim jacket; white crew t-shirt, blue jeans, red high heels, and her large dark sunglasses, which she wore down covering her eyes. Logan quickly noticed that she had that one particular smile on her face; the smile which he had learned over the past six months, let him know she had something on her mind.
It was not a full smile, just the beginnings of one, her lips pursed together slightly, and just the left side of her mouth rose somewhat upward. It was a sort of suppressed smile.
“Mornin’ Lil girl, I was just going to get ready and wait for ya,” he said.
“I’ve had a change of plans my sweet, I want to go somewhere else this morning, that is if you wouldn’t mind.” She said, still with the smile on her face.
“Sure, where do you want to go?” Logan said, placing his keys in the little metal bowl near the front door where he had always kept them. He walked over to her to give an ever so careful little kiss on her lips, so as to not have any of his perspiration drenched sweatshirt touch her.
“The Eiffel Tower.” She said, in a ‘matter of fact’ tone.
“The Eiffel Tower?!” He answered her, somewhat surprised.
“Yes hun.” Please? I want to ask you something.”
“Sure, OK, just let me get cleaned up.” He said, still aware of her special smile that he couldn‘t really help but notice. He had gone into the bathroom and began to run the shower, using his hand to test the temperature of the water. Looking out the door, he saw that Lily had turned in the rocker recliner; she had swiveled around and followed him as he went by. She was still staring at him with the smile on her face, and he began stripping off his sweatshirt and shorts. Standing there in just his briefs, he looked again at her as she continued to gaze at him.
“Don’t mind me luv.” She said with the smile. He could feel her eyes on him through the sunglasses.
He stripped off his briefs, entered the shower and pulled the curtain around him. The hot water quickly ran down his body, quickly relieving any small aches he felt. He slightly tasted the salt from his perspiration as it washed down off his hair, and felt the cleansing action of the water all over him. He grabbed the soap and lathered himself all over, and then rinsed it all off. The shower was no longer than ten minutes, he did not want to keep Lily waiting, she had something was on her mind, with her intent look and the smiling. But he also felt that whatever she did want to ask him, it must be important to her. She wasn’t supposed to be there for another hour or so, and she had awoken early herself to come here and change their plans.
He turned off the shower and shook off the excess water. He pulled aside the shower curtain to find Lily standing there with two large towels.
“Here you go luv,” she said as she handed him one of the towels. He dried off his hair and chest then wrapped the towel around his waist. He was facing her, looking at her as she held the other towel.
“Turn round honey,” she said, “I’ll dry your back.”
Logan turned and felt as she gently padded the towel on his back, she was especially gentle on the burn scar on his shoulder, and the “S” shaped knife scar down his back, as if she thought he could still feel the pain he once suffered with them. When his back was dry, she planted a gentle kiss on both scars, wrapped her arms around his naked waist, and set the side of her face on his back as she hugged him.
“Are you okay Lil girl?” Logan asked.
“Just fine darling,” she said quietly, “I’m just fine right now”.
“Nothing’s wrong … is there”?
“No dear, not to worry. Come along now and get dressed so we can go.” She said gently.
She released him and as he turned to look at her, she still had the smile on her face. The smile made him feel somewhat relieved. He didn’t think there was any grave news, but he knew now that he was going to be doing something for her, he already knew that there was a good chance that he would be doing what it was that she was going to ask, but he just didn‘t know what it was going to be yet.
“Sure hun.” she answered feeling the roughness on his face, and then she went back to the chair and sat down to wait.
He went to the sink and ran the hot water. Splashed some on his face and lathered it up with the shaving cream. He took the razor out of the medicine cabinet, held it under the hot water for a few seconds, wiped the steam off the mirror, and began to shave the morning stubble from his face. Finishing quickly, he rinsed with cold water and toweled off his face. He then went into his dresser for clean underwear and put them on, then he put on his black jeans, with a charcoal colored long sleeved crew neck t-shirt. He walked quickly back into the bathroom to dry his hair.
The sound of the hair dryer whirring filled the apartment, Lily then got up from the chair to stand in the doorway and watched him as he dried his hair, the dryer passing quickly as he held it with one hand, and trying to groom it correctly with his brush in the other.
“Here,” Lily said, “Let me.”
She stepped over to him and took the dryer and brush from him, she made him kneel down so that she could place his hair the way she preferred.
“Almost time for another trim hun,” she told him as she dried and brushed his hair. She loved the way his hair felt after he shampooed it. It felt as soft as a baby’s and she would always run her fingers through it, sometimes for hours. She stood there drying his hair, staring at him through the mirror, if it wasn’t for the hair dryer; there would have not been any sound at all. She brushed and ran the warm blowing air around his head without speaking. Logan sensed a bit of tension, but said nothing. He knew Lily would say what was on her mind in due time, she was, after all … Lily. If it’s in her head, it will be soon coming out of her mouth.
She looked into the mirror and watched Logan’s reflection. His eyes were closed and he just took it all in, the warmth from the dryer, and Lily moving the brush through his hair, it was all so relaxing. Lily felt his hair was dried thoroughly, and then switched the dryer off. The sudden silence that followed had Logan open his eyes slowly, looking up he watched as Lily continued to groom his hair, first with the brush, then afterwards with her fingers. Still doing so by staring at him, through the mirror, in the quiet of the apartment, without speaking. “There, just the way I like it.” She said, adding her finishing touch. She ran her fingers through his hair, twirling it, stroking it between her fingers. Still staring at Logan through his reflection in the mirror.
“Are you sure nothing’s bothering you at all Lil?” He asked.
“No, no my sweet, nothing is bothering me in the slightest.” She responded in a slow and quiet tone, close to whispering, then smiling and rubbing his cheeks with her hands she continued, “In fact my mood couldn’t be more marvelous. Come now luv, get up, get your shoes and stockings and let‘s get going. No need for the spray net, it‘s a bit windy outside, besides I like it this way.”
He stood upright, then turned and faced her, bent down and gave her a full kiss on her lips. He then went to his bedroom to get his black shoes, then again to his dresser to retrieve a pair of black socks. He sat on the side of his bed; a bed that he still made in military fashion, to put the socks on his feet, then the shoes, which were also polished in military fashion, with the laces even lying right over left. While bent over tying them he saw Lily’s feet standing in the doorway, and he could feel her still looking at him through her sunglasses. Her demeanor, her quietness, her constant stare confirmed to him the there was indeed something on her mind, and he had learned over the months that he would just have to be patient enough until she was ready to tell him.
She watched how he would tie his shoes with great speed and when he finished he would put both his hands and say: “Time.” Just like the cowboys that he told her of back in America during their rodeos and the calf roping competitions. “Ready.” He said.
Lily walked to a chair by the door of the apartment where Logan’s black leather jacket hung over the backside of it. Picking it up and handing it to him, she said, “Take your leather hun; it may be a bit chilly up when we get there.”
“We’re going to the top?” He asked.
“I believe so my dear, I believe so.”
He put on his jacket then opened the door, they both stepped out onto the walkway, and Logan turned and locked his door and put the keys into the pocket of his jeans. He stepped to Lily left side and offered her his right arm. There she took her left hand and held his right, and placed her right hand on his right bicep caressing it, as she now always did. They walked down the stairs onto the veranda, through the walkway, and passed through the gate onto the sidewalk.
Lily, remaining silent, holding onto Logan’s arm a little tighter than usual, he looked over and saw that she was bouncing her leg up and down nervously. He looked at her face as she was watching the surroundings proceed past. When she turned to see him looking at her she asked, “What is it hun?”
“There may be nothing bothering you,” he said, slightly squinting his eyes, now with a thin smile of his own, “but there sure as hell something on your mind”.
With her arms still around his, she drew herself closer to him, resting her chin on his right shoulder. “You’ve come to know me so well, haven’t you?” she asked, then kissed his face gently.
“And, you’re only going to tell me when you’re good and ready, right?”
“All in due time darling.” She said enthusiastically into his ear, “I’ll give you some relief though by telling you that, what I’m going to say? I’ll do so when we reach the top of the tower.”
She then rested her head on Logan’s shoulder, and they both remained that way, both silent and watching all the hustle of the morning city life. They traveled for only a few more streets when they came to the METRA/RER public transport bus stop that would take them both to the Iena Bridge. They stepped off the trolley onto the sidewalk and stood waiting for the bus. The sky was clear but it was getting a little windy as Lily had warned, and she held on to Logan’s arm a little tighter and was using him to shield herself from the wind. Logan saw that she may be a little cold so he made her let go of his arm and then took off his jacket and put it on her. It was so cumbersome on her, the shoulders alone dropped almost to her elbows. The cuffs pulled high so that she could get her hands through.
“Thank you hun, but what about you?”
“Don’t worry about ’bout me, I’m okay.” He said pulling back the corners of his mouth slightly and rolling his eyes, “I’ve been through worse.”
“Indeed you have.” She whispered under her breath.
“What’s that”?
“Hmmm? Oh, nothing dear.” She replied, took his arm again, placed her head on the side of his bicep and stood close to guard against the breeze.
In less than five minutes, the bus came to the stop. The bus had the destination marked above in lights showing it assigned destination: IENA CHAMP DE MARS. Logan and Lily boarded along with all of the other people who were there waiting. Most of them were tourists from all over the world. You could tell because most had on their possession cameras, tour maps, and books that translated French to their own native language.
Fifteen minutes later, they were passing by Palais de Chaillot, and soon through the Trocadero Gardens where they would come to a stop near the Iena Bridge on the banks of the River Seine. As they got off from the bus, they both saw the beauty of Champ de Mars. They walked the short distance to the entry of the bridge, looking up, to see the tall magnificence of the Eiffel tower, the pride of France.
They both began their walk across the Iena Bridge, Lily now looking around at how wonderful Paris looked today.
“I would come here all the time with my mother.” She said as she continued to look around, “We would always spend a day or so here in Paris when she went to see her family in Marseilles. She and I would always come here to do lunch, it became our tradition, and Daddy would come too when he would travel with us. It was the time I enjoyed with them the most.” She looked up at Logan to see him smiling at her; she had his undivided attention, so she continued. “Mother and Daddy would travel here many times so that she could see her family. She did get homesick every now and then, so Daddy let her come as often as she wanted. He would have to stay home in England sometimes because of business, but the times she and I were here together by ourselves, Mother and Daughter time, I loved that.”
“I’m going to have to meet your Mom and Dad someday soon.” Logan said, “I should make some arraignments with my captain so that we can go over to England to do that”.
“Yes, we must.” Lily said, “Someday very soon.”
They were both now halfway across the bridge and Logan looked up the see the splendor of the Eiffel Tower, a memory of the last time he visited it, almost two decades earlier, briefly came to his mind.
“It’s an almost perfect morning.” Lily then said, making Logan’s brief memory quickly dissolve.
“It is indeed.”
They walked the remainder of the way across the Seine to the plaza of the Tower. Logan bought two tickets for the entrance fee to the tower, and then they both proceeded to the elevators. Once inside, he asked:
“Can we stop for a coffee?”
“Sure thing honey, I know how much you need one in the morning.”
They stopped in the Jules Verne restaurant shortly and purchased a plain coffee for him and a Café au Lait for Lily, both to go. Logan always had to have a strong cup of coffee in the morning, a habit that he picked up from his morning breakfasts while in the Legion, even though most of the time he had only black bread to eat with it. He had them both in paper cups, a large one for himself, and a medium for Lily, he then escorted her back to the elevator. Once inside, they were both on their way to the top platform of the Tower. They both could see the entire city of Paris as it became smaller, but more panoramic, with every second they rose higher.
They reached the top platform, when the elevator doors opened they were greeted with the cool breeze of the morning, along with the magnificent view of Paris. Lily walked out first, pointed to her left and said, “This way luv.”
He followed her with the coffees in hand to the northwest side of the platform where they could see the Champ de Mars, the Trocadero Gardens, and the Iena Bridge that they just crossed moments ago of the banks of the River Seine. In the distance right behind Champ de Mars was the Passey Cemetery, which was the resting place of such famous French citizens as Claude Debussy, the artists Edouard Manet and Berthe Morisot, and also for the Count de Las Cases, who accompanied Napoleon on his trip to St. Helens. Also they could see de Musee’ de l’Homme, the Museum of Man, which is devoted to paleontology, ethnology and anthropology. Further out in the distance the building of La Defense and the Grand Arch with Mount Valerien in the further background. Then looking slightly to the east was the Arc de Triomphe, where then you would look closer and back to the River Seine to see the Debilly footbridge.
Lily went right to the corner of the platform, she turned and faced Logan, with her back right to the corner, and placed her hands on either railing at her sides. Logan looked at her admiringly, she was so beautiful, and now with the view of Paris in the background, well, to him, it was breathtaking. She stared at him for a moment, then, that smile returned to her face, the smile she would have when she wanted Logan to do something for her. She stayed that way for a moment longer, just looking at Logan, and he could still feel her stare through the sunglasses she wore.
“Okay … well … here we are.” Logan said to her.
“Are you nervous Logan?” She asked.
“Uh … yeah.” He answered, handing her the small café
“You’re so adorable when I make you nervous.” She said, then taking the cup in both her hands, “I just like to watch you a little when it happens.”
“So, Lily girl, what is it that you have to say, what’s on your mind?”
She looked at him for a few more seconds, looked at her feet briefly, then back up at him. “I would always tell mother on our visits here, that well, on the most important event in my life? Well, I would want to have it happen here.” She said. She looked at the view, at her surroundings, and then back at Logan, and she let out a sigh. Then she locked her stare on him again. “Do you love me Logan?”
Logan looked a little surprised at her question; he did indeed love her very deeply, but still was taken just a little aback with her asking. “Ya know,” he began his reply, “I made a rule to myself sometime back after I gave you those flowers and card after I was gone those four nights? And, after you came to the soccer pitch, on that night when we made up at Le Club Argenté D'oiseau, that if you ever asked me that question, that my answer would be serious, no joking around, ya know?”
She nodded to him, smiling.
“I also made a rule that I wouldn’t use some cliché answer like ‘Oh of course I do’.”
“Then what is your answer?” She asked, her eyes still locked on him, “Do you love me Logan?”
Logan took a breath, released it slowly, looked right into he sunglass covered eyes and said, “I love you very, very much Lily”.
“How much do you love me?”
“Infinitely. It is immeasurable. You’ve become the air that I breath.” He began to choke up a little, then continued, “You know, for over seventeen years, and even before that a little, all I saw was how bad the world can be. Nothing seemed good in it at all; everything I saw and experienced was horrific and evil. Then, you came along. You’ve shown and given me everything that’s good and beautiful in it.” He looked back down at his feet, she could see him trying to force back tears, and she heard as his voice broke when he said it. She could truly see his sincerity.
“Then you truly love me then?” she asked.
“I will have to say, with every fiber of my being. Ya know, I was once thought of as expendable, and you‘ve made me feel … well … you took that all away.”
She paused for a moment to take in what he just said. There was a short serene interlude between them, and then she continued her questioning. “Is my happiness important to you?” She then asked.
“Extremely.” He answered as he composed himself and looked directly into her eyes again.
“You would want to make me happy then, right?” She asked.
“I would hate to be the reason you were to ever be unhappy,” He answered.
She just continued to look at him directly into the eyes for another moment, again with another quiet interlude, only the sound of the breeze, the mumblings of the tourists and the muffled traffic below was all they could hear. “Would you do anything for me Logan?” She continued.
“Yes … I’m afraid I would”.
“Anything?”
“Yes … anything.”
“Anything to make me happy?”
“Yes Lily, I would do anything for you, anything to make you happy.” He said solemnly and seriously, then adding, “Okay, Lily, you obviously want me to do something for you … so just tell me. What is it that you want me to do?”
“Marry me.” She said, straightforward and outright.
He froze for a split second, looking just a little confused at first, then he let out a sigh of relief and a small smile came to his face.
“What is it Logan?” she asked.
“Oh God!” He said, “For a minute there I thought you wanted me to make somebody you don’t like disappear or something”.
She put her hand to her mouth and began to laugh, being careful as to not spill any of her café au lait. He waited for her to stop laughing before he began speaking.
“Marry you?” He said, now relaxed after enduring the suspense of the entire trip.
“Yes honey … marry me.”
He took a moment to gather his thoughts and to absorb everything that just happened in the past few minutes. He looked at the expression on her face, even with the sunglasses on, even with the same half smile still on her lips; he could see that she was serious. “You really mean it, don’t you?” He then said to her in his own serious calm tone.
She then moved closer to him, placing her café au lait on the floor of the platform to the side of her, she stood up and locked her thumbs on the side belt loops of his black jeans, and placed her forehead on his chest. “Yes my sweet, I really do mean this.” She said quietly, then looked up at him, “I have never been more serious about something in my life.”
The smile left her face, and Logan sensed that she might be crying, so he reached up with his right hand and lifted her sunglasses up to her eyebrows. She indeed had tears starting to well up in her eyes, so he wiped them away with his thumb and fingers. “Hey now, no need for that.” He whispered to her.
“I love you Logan … I can’t help it … and I want to be your wife. I know it’s been only six months … but … I … I love you … stronger everyday … and … I … I just know it … I just know in my heart … that …I want to be with you … always.” She said quietly to him.
Logan moved her sunglasses back over her eyes. He bent down and placed his own cup of coffee on the floor of the platform, stood up straight, placed both his hands on her shoulders and again looked out briefly at the view of Paris. The expression on his face now turned very solemn, he then dropped his head and looked down at his feet, standing there very quiet and in deep thought.
“Is there something wrong honey?” Lily asked, thinking she may have just done something wide of the mark.
“Nah, no, sweetie. Nothing’s wrong.” He said to her in a quiet reassuring tone, “It’s just that, well … I knew this day was going to come, that’s all … I just didn’t know when.” He looked down at his feet again, Lily could now tell that there was something serious on his mind, and observed that he was trying to gather his thoughts. Then Logan raised his head to look at her. “I knew this day would come,” he said in a happier tone, “but I thought that I would be the one doing the proposing.”
The smile came back to Lily’s face, “Oh … then you have thought about marrying me?”
“Oh yes … many times.” He replied, “But … ”
“But, what honey”?
He looked to his feet again, took a deep breath and let it out, then looked her in the eyes with a now very serious look on his face. “I want you to hold all your thoughts for a little while.” He said and he moved closer to her, and turned his back to all the other tourists and visitors that were up on the platform, so that only she could hear what he had to say, “I have to tell you something about me before we can continue with this.”
“Another serving of ‘complication’ that you need to dish out to me Logan?” she asked, looking at his down turned head.
“Yeah, another one I‘m afraid, but … it’s the last one. I promise you.” He said making sure that she was the only one who could hear him, “And when I’m finished … if you still feel the same way about me … just ask me what you want me to do again.”
“Go on then honey, I’m listening.” She said.
Logan looked around to make sure that this little corner of the platform was theirs alone, and that nobody would come near them. When he felt assured that it was, he moved closer to her and made her turn to face the view of the city, while he put his arm around her, and began to speak softly into her left ear. “This may take a little while.” He said to her softly.
“Darling, take all the time you need”.
He took another deep breath, and began to speak. “As you know, I was in the Legion,” he began, “and you know of the things I did, and the situations I was in … and of the things that happened to me.”
“Yes, honey, go on.” She whispered to him.
He paused for a moment and then continued. “But …” he said, “I have never told you of how I ended up joining the Legion in the first place.” A look of concern crossed over Lily’s face. She felt that this was something grave, and Logan confirmed it with his next sentence. “You have to know Lily … that nobody … and I mean nobody … knows about this.” He said. “With the exception of some people back in the States. You … right now … are the only person that I am ever telling this too since it happened.” She saw his face and his shoulders drop, she knew this was significant, and that this ‘final secret’, as he told her is a dark one, and that it must be torturing him. “I’ve never even told Caesar this,” he whispered into her ear, his tone turning even more somber. She now knew the seriousness of what he was going to tell her. Her heart felt warm when he told her that he never told what he was about to say to Caesar. The man who was his best friend, the man whom Logan said was the only real brother in his life, and became his ‘blood brother’, the man Logan entrusted his life to, and visa versa. He was entrusting her with this secret, and that made her feel exceptional.
“Go ahead baby”, she said kissing his cheek, “go ahead, it’s going to be okay. Don’t worry”.
“I’m going to have to start from the whole beginning.”
“Do whatever you need to do baby,” she whispered, “do whatever you need to do”.
He then began to tell his story to her, and when he did, he spoke every word precisely, and every sentence slowly, and one at a time.
“Well, here is the history of me and my family back in America, as you know - - -”
* * *
- - - “my ‘unci‘, my grandmother, was a full-blooded Lakota Sioux. Her name was Sasheen, but her Indian name was ‘Light from the Waters’. My grandfather, Ian Morrow, was an immigrant right off the boat from Ireland. He was a very handy man, very skilled in the building trades, and he went to America to ‘seek his fortune’ as they say.
“He knew though right after he got through Ellis Island that there were just too many Irish in New York, and that the Irish weren’t very welcome at that time, actually, it was hard for any immigrant. There was a prejudice against them, the Irish, even by the Irish who were born in America. Therefore, he decided to make his way west. He heard much about the open country and that there was much better opportunity there. He could always make money, because he could build or fix anything. That’s how he lived as he began to travel, and over the next few months, he found himself in Pierre, South Dakota.
“He soon found work for the government, who needed men skilled in carpentry and such to build offices for the Bureau of Indian Affairs at the Cheyenne River Reservation. He was going to help build and repair the schools, homes, government offices, and such. Well, on his second day there on the reservation he was with his supervisor in the middle of the I guess you would call it the community center when he looked up the road, and he saw my grandmother walking on the side of the road. She was with her mother and father. He watched her as she came closer, when she looked back at him, BOOM, that’s all it took. He fell in love with her … right there.
“Being a white man, well, the least I could say is that his courting of her started off to be very difficult. But as time went by, My Great-Grandfather saw that the love my grandfather had for his daughter was true and sincere, and he came to accept him, as did all the other tribal members. They even gave him an Indian name, ’Green Three Hearts‘, because when he showed then the shamrock, the symbol of Ireland, to them it looked like three green hearts that were joined together. One thing the Lakota held sacred was true love that came from a pure heart. It was hard for my granddad because yes, the Lakota accepted him, but the white community off the reservation did not. So, Gramps moved onto the reservation, and asked my Great-Grandfather permission to marry his daughter.
“He made his living with his skills, even among the whites, because when it came to quality work, even they could overlook who you’re married too.
“The love between my Grandfather and Grandmother was great, and one result of that love, was my mother, whom he named Tara, which I believe is the Irish word for heaven, and she was given the Indian name ‘Bird in the Rainbow’. Unfortunately for her, she would not have the same fortune in a man that her mother did.
“It was 1950, and the man who would become my father was in Pierre. A few years before he got bored with high school so he dropped out and decided that he was going to just ‘bum around’ for a few years and see the country, and possibly the rest of the world. He would wander around and find a place then get some job somewhere and stay there for a few months or more. He found himself in South Dakota and liked the scenery, so he found a job with the state as a laborer with the highway department fixing the roads. You don’t need a degree from college to work a shovel. He was the rebel type I guess. He was like Marlon Brando wannabe in that movie ‘The Wild One’. He thought that life was supposed to be one long party, and that he was going to do some living before ‘it was too late’. He was very arrogant, as well as very ignorant. He had no concept of personal responsibility, or of the consequences for your actions.
“He saw my mother in a drug store in Pierre, and started to come on to her, trying to charm her. My mother was only seventeen, she was a ‘half-breed’, and there was a loneliness that came with that. She became infatuated with my father. My grandfather of course did not approve of him as well as my grandmother, so with that my mother would sneak out to meet my father. My father was using all of this to his advantage, and would use the combination of everything to pressure my mother to sleep with him. She was young, lonely, pretty, and she thought she was in love. Her big mistake was that she thought my father loved her too, he told her that he did, but of course, he was just bullshiting her, and he was there for only one thing.
“As it all went on, my father soon found out the hard way that, there were indeed consequences for his actions. That big consequence as it turned out … happened to be me.
“My mother was so frightened, and when she told my grandparents that she was pregnant, well to say there was hell to pay would be putting it mildly. They knew that my father would try to skip town, so my grandma sent her three brothers to Pierre to make sure he didn’t leave. Now, you have to understand that this was 1950, my Grandpa was an Irish Catholic, and Grandma was also a practicing Catholic. There was no thought of abortion then. In their eyes, there was going to be a marriage between my father and mother and the right thing was going to be done. So within the next few days, there was my father, on the reservation, standing with a priest in front of him, and my Grandpa, Grandma, and her brothers behind. It’s what we called a ‘shotgun wedding’.
“Now a week or so afterwards, my father decided that, well, since he was now married to her, that legally, he could just leave and take her with him, and that there was nothing my mothers family could do about it, so that’s what he did. He packed her up, and himself, in a matter of hours, got in his car, and drove the both of them back to Michigan.” - - -
- - - “Michigan,” Logan said breaking from his story, looking into Lily’s face, “I’m from Michigan”.
Lily remembered him mentioning something about Tiger Stadium on the night that they first were alone together. However, it was during the story of Caesars’ death and how Logan acquired the scars on his body, and that didn’t make it a main concern to her memory.
Logan then looked back down at his feet and continued. - - -
- - - “Anyways, they both get back to the little town that I was born in, Ypsilanti, which I tell ya, is a far cry from the open plains of South Dakota. His parents? Well, they were no better than him, they saw there new half-breed daughter-in-law and were none to pleased. They all referred to her as ‘the squaw’. His father helped to get him a job at one of the factories around there as a laborer. They both lived with his parents for a while until they could afford to rent this little house near them.
“I was born on March 3, 1951.
“Now, my old man was a drinker to begin with, but this whole situation made it worse. To him, his life’s ambition of freedom and seeing the world was ruined because of this ‘squaw-bitch’ as he came to call her, and her ‘papoose’, which is a slang term for an Indian baby. Believe me, he took it out on her. His parents? Like I said, they were no better, and I grew to hate them. I saw two completely different worlds because after I had turned two I would spend the summers on the reservation with my mother and her family, then dread going back to Ypsilanti to be with my old man and his parents.
“I knew what my father was doing while we were gone over the summer months, he was living his partying youth, drinking and chasing other women. When we got home, the house was a pigsty and guess who had to start to clean it the second she came through the door.
“Mama died when I was twelve. The years of the physical and mental abuse, and her heartbreak, I believe that it all caught up with her. She caught a bad case of the flu, which turned into pneumonia, and her body just gave out. I think that if she didn’t get to spend the summers back on the reservation, well she probably would have died sooner. She would tell me that if it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t have been able to take it. She called me her ‘Little Man of her Heart’. She told me that she lived for me, she always held me to tell me she loved me, that I was her reason for living.
“I remember how she would talk to me when she was serious. She would place her hands on my shoulders, if she were in front of me, she would bring her face just about six inches from mine, and when she was behind me, she would rest her chin on her hand right next to my ear. However, she always had her hands on my shoulders, and she always spoke in a gentle tone to me.
“She was so abused by my old man, I remember on one of the many occasions when he slapped her to the floor in what was becoming his constant drunken state, he stormed out of the house I went to see if she was alright, I was seven or eight at the time.
“You okay Mama?’ I asked her. That was another thing that Caesar and I had in common, we both called our mothers ‘Mama.’
“Yes Scowls Like The Wolf,’ she answered, and as she started to get up from the floor she said, ‘come with me’.
“Her nose was bleeding, she took me by the hand and we both went into the bathroom so that she could wash and dry her face. After she finished she took me again by the hand and we both went back to the living room, she looked out the window to make sure that my old man was gone. She then took me out on to the front porch, sat down in one of the chairs, and had me stand in front of her. She placed her hands on my shoulders and put her face close to mine and she started to smile.
“I want you to promise me something my Scowls Like the Wolf.’ she said to me.
“What Mama?’ I asked.
“I want you to promise me that when you grow up that you’ll always be a good man.’ She told me.
“How do I do that Mama?’
“Just be everything that your father isn’t little man,’ she said and then she embraced me, ‘just be everything your father isn’t.’
“She held onto me very tight for a minute, and then she released me and placed her hands on my shoulders again.
“And promise me that no matter what, you’ll never, ever hit a girl.’ she said.
“Okay Mama.’
“No, Scowls Like The Wolf, not okay, I want you to make me your promise,’ she said sternly but gently, ‘promise me that is what you’ll do. Do you promise?’
“Yes Mama, I promise, I swear I promise, to both things.’
“Thank you my little man,’ she said and embraced me again, ‘Mama loves you so much.” - - -
- - - Logan paused for a moment and stared out to the sights of the city, then returned his gaze down at his feet. “She’s buried in a small cemetery back in Ypsilanti. My grandparents in South Dakota wanted to take her back to the Cheyenne River to bury her on the land of her ancestors, but my old man had her buried in Michigan just to spite them. It was good for me though because I would take my bike and visit her grave. I’d pick flowers from the side of the road or from the woods and take them to her God … I miss her. Even after all this time.” Logan said as he paused again, looking to the sky. He crossed his arms, turned and leaned on the railing on his left side, and looked to his feet again. Lily faced him and placed her hands on his forearms as he continued. - - -
- - - “My old man never once went to visit her grave, to him half of his problems were now gone. But, I was still around, and now I was stuck with him … all by myself. Now, he could womanize without going behind her back. He’d go out to those little dive bars chasing all the bar fly skanks, bring them home and sleep with them. I had to take my mothers role of keeping the place clean, as well with the rest of her work. With that, I never got to go back to the reservation again because now I had to ‘earn my keep’ as he would say. His drinking would increase over the years, and now I was to be the punching bag, another one of my mothers’ jobs that I inherited.
“I had to practically walk on eggshells, just to keep the peace, and to keep from being beaten. One thing that worked to my advantage though was that my grandmothers’ brothers taught me how to run like an Indian, I was so hard for him to catch most of the time.
“I thought that I was all alone in the world until I started the eighth grade. There I met the new girl at school, her name … was Melonie. She was a pretty girl, not a beautiful one. Short light brown hair and hazel eyes with freckles on her nose. She sat down right next to me in class, and just started to talk to me. We started a puppy love right then, I was twelve years old. We would meet at the park and things like that, but I would never let her come to my house. I just flat out told her about my old man and his drinking, and she just understood.
“Now, that summer after junior high school a couple of things happened in my life. The first thing that happened was that I was at a Fourth of July celebration going on in town, and there I saw for the first time in my life, a United States Marine. He was a Gunnery Sergeant, and he was wearing the Marine full dress blue tunic, with the white hat, white belt, blue pants with the red stripe down the side, and all those ribbons on his chest. I saw that uniform, and I thought that it was the most beautiful thing that any man could ever wear, and I wanted to be able to wear one. I still remember his name, Gunnery Sergeant Donald Hobbs. When I had the chance, I asked him about the Marines. It turns out, he was a recruiter and his office was over in Ann Arbor, which was the next city over, He gave me his card and told me that when I ready to come by and anyone there would talk to me.
“Well, I didn’t know that he meant when I was older, so the following week I woke early to do my chores and when my old man went to work, I got on my bike and rode the seven miles to the U.S. Marine recruiting office to go see Sergeant Hobbs. He was surprised to see me, but he took the time to explain everything to me. He said one thing though that kept sticking in my mind, that the first place I would go to when I left home would be Parris Island where the Marine boot camp was. It was the phrase ‘when you leave home’ that kept repeating in my head. The Marines were going to get me out of Ypsilanti and away from my old man. The Marines were going to be my way out of the place that I thought that I was going to be stuck forever.
“So, starting that day, I decided to prepare myself for the Marine Corps. I would go to the library and check out any books about the Marines, the Navy S.E.A.L.S., the history of warfare, elite fighting units, which included the French Foreign Legion, I read many books about the Legion, because of something that had to do with my mother, that I’ll explain later.
“I also started to train myself physically more, especially with my running, and I even started some weight training. I was so motivated, I had hope in something for the first time in my life, I had a goal, and I had a way out.
“The second thing that happened was when Melonie and I went to register for high school. She found out about something that would not be happening for another four years, in fact it was to happen when we graduated from high school. It was what they called our ‘senior trip’. You take a special trip when you finish high school and you go with your classmates. It just so happened that our senior trip was going to Europe, here in France, as well as England and Italy.
“When Melonie heard about France, her eyes just lit up like a display of fireworks and she was actually jumping up and down, she was so excited. It was a little girls dream come true, a chance to see Paris and everything it has to offer. You know what I mean, she was a little girl in some hick town who dreamed of travel, and now for the first time, there was an opportunity. She started going on about the both of us seeing all the sights in Paris and France, well, when she said ‘the both of us’, I guess that confirmed we were boyfriend and girlfriend.
“Of course, she started to come back down to earth when the little matter of how we were going to pay for it came up. After all, neither one of us had the last name of ‘Rockefeller.’ We both sat there somewhat quiet for a minute, and then she had an idea come into her head. She said that after all, we did have a little over four years before this trip would happen, that if we could both find jobs, and do things to earn money, and save it up, we should have plenty by then. I agreed with her, and for the first time since the subject came up, I felt that there may be a way to pull it off” - - -
- - - “She was always an optimist,” Logan said breaking away again for a moment, he looked at Lily’s face and saw that she was staring back at him, listening and hanging on to every word, “if it weren’t for her optimism back then, I would have had none at all.” He again looked down to his feet, and continued. - - -
- - - “I guess you could say Melonie became my ‘oasis in the desert’.
“So, I got a job at a local gas station, I’d fill the cars that came in with gas, clean the windshields, check the oil and tires and such. Later on Gus, that was my boss, let me fill out the repair orders, answer the phones, and even help with the repairs. He liked me, and I liked being with him, he was the first older man that I became close to in a long time. Later on when I got older, and had a driver’s license, he let me drive the truck for parts, deliveries, and giving the customers rides home or to their jobs. He even let me take the truck home at night so I could take Melly out. He knew about my home life, and that I couldn’t afford a car.
“Of course after I got the job my old man made it a little tough for me to save the money because he then started to charge me ‘rent’ to live in the house. I now had to clean up the extra beer cans and whiskey bottles that were the result of my rent payments. So, I lied to him a lot about the money, the amount that I told him that I was making was far less than what I really was.
“Melly was doing baby sitting jobs, worked at an ice cream parlor we had in town, and other little things on the side, and you know, we were doing it, we were really saving the money for the senior trip. It was hard, but it also made us closer.
“One thing though that she kept talking about, the one thing that she wanted to do the most, was actually for the two of us to come here, to the Eiffel Tower. Here we were to drink champagne, and eat cheese with strawberries. She spoke of that many times when we would talk and plan on what we were going to do when we got here.
“When we were both sixteen, the subject of our future came up. We were at the movies, when the movie ended and we were walking back to the truck when she asked what it was going to be for us after we finish school. She asked me if I ever thought of us being married and having kids and all. I said that I did sometimes. So, we started to talk about it.
“I had to be very honest about it. One thing was our parents could not afford to send us to college, and I didn’t know if by any miracle, a scholarship would be coming our way to either one of us. I reminded her about my plans on joining the Marine Corps, because really, it was the only way that I was going to get out of there. To get away from my old man, away from Ypsilanti, away from that life I was in. Melly just told me, that she wanted to come with me, no matter what.
“We talked for a couple of hours. We made some more plans that night. The plan being that when we both went to Europe, that it would be more than a senior trip, it would be like our honeymoon. We would take our honeymoon first, and then when we returned to Michigan, I would go directly to the Marine Corps recruiter and sign up. After my basic training, where ever I went to go be stationed, she would then come there, and we would get married. We’d find some little apartment somewhere for the both of us, she would get a job in a grocery store or something, anything actually, and we would be together, knowing that it would be a struggle, but we would be together.
“And, somewhere in the deep future, when I was more established in the Corps, and learned a trade, that after I retired from the Corps, we would both move to South Dakota, back to the Cheyenne River Reservation, and live there maybe. After all, I was one-quarter Lakota Sioux, and I could live there.
“I might add that the subject of Viet Nam came up. There was the big possibility of me going over there, we were hoping that the war would end soon, it was really dividing the country up so and everything, and with all the protesting and such going on, there was the possibility of it indeed being brought to a close. But, we decided that Melly would still just come to wherever it was that I was to have duty at, get married anyway, and if I got shipped to Viet Nam, she would wait for me … and hope for the best.
“I started then to take summer school classes because I wanted to graduate early. I figured that if I graduated a half a semester early, I could work a little extra not only a little extra not only at the station, but also any other odd jobs that I could find. This way I could not only have some extra cash for Europe, but some set aside for Melly when I went into the Marines, got out of basic training, and bring her to wherever I got stationed first.
“Because you see, I couldn’t have a savings account in a bank anywhere. Hell, I wouldn’t dare to. I was underage, and my old man would have to be on any account I would open up, which means he would have complete access to it. I would just be putting the money in and then the next day he would have just gone in and taken it out. Then he would either hit what we called ‘honky-tonks’, or the liquor stores. So, I would cash my checks at the gas station. Even checks from people who paid me for the other odd jobs that I was doing. I even would save up any pocket change I would have or come across, and would change it to paper money as I saved it up. I took the cash and placed in in a small metal strong box I bought, and then I found a place in our house to hide it. It was it the basement, I loosened a brick that was close to the floor in a separate crawl space that was very dark. I would only hide the money when my old man was gone. I was extremely cautious when I did this. I would even get to the point where I would go into the crawl space naked, so that when I would get dirty, I would just go then and take a shower afterwards. I didn’t want my clothes to be soiled, and him to start asking questions.
“That’s how I got away with lying to my old man about my money for so long. When I hid it, I didn’t have that much to spend, so I had to be frugal with it. I knew he would be watching my spending habits.
“The brick was way off in a dark corner, and I would always removed it slowly and replace it the same way, so as to not make it stand out. Besides, I also knew that my old man was both to lazy and drunk to even put any effort to come down and look for anything. However, I was not going to take any chances at all. Because needless to say, after four years, and all the work I did, I managed to save me up quite a chunk of change.
“So, that’s how things were going.” - - -
- - - “Then … Thursday … March 14th … 1969 came along.” Logan said this and his face became contorted, his lips tightened, jaw clenched, nose creased, and eyes squinted. - - -
- - - “It was spring break from school, we all had ten days off. I was already out of school because I did graduate early in December. Melly and her family were going to drive to Milwaukee Wisconsin to see her mothers’ family for a long weekend. I had to stay at home and work at the gas station that day, but I did have that Friday off, so I was going to use that time to catch up on all of the housework that I had to do.
“I had the truck, so I met Melly and her family early that morning at a Waffle House in the main area of town. We were all together for a little over an hour. When we all finished we walked out to the parking lot to say good-bye. Her mom and dad liked me, they knew what I was living with at my house, and so they always tried to make me feel at home whenever I was with them. They all got into their car, but they let Melly and I have a couple of minutes to ourselves. Melly gave me a nice long hug, and a nice kiss, she even told me she loved me. She wished that I could have come with them but it couldn’t be done, I had to take care of the house, and I still had to work. She gave me another hug, told me she was going to miss me, and that she would see me on the following Wednesday. I told her not to worry about me, and that I loved her too, and that in a few more months all this with my old man and everything was all going to be over.
“I took her to the car, opened the door for her to let her in, and got one more quick hug and kiss. I shut the door and they started to drive away. When they turned onto the street, Melly was waving good-bye to me. I waved back, watched them all as they drove down the main street, and turned left onto the entrance ramp to Interstate 94, which would take them all the way to Milwaukee. She turned again to wave good-bye to me and then the car disappeared behind the buildings along the street.” - - -
- - - “And that … was the last time … that I ever saw Melonie.” He continued to look downward to his feet. He felt his throat tighten, he then regained his composure, cleared his throat and then continued. - - -
- - - “I went to the end of the parking lot to get to the truck; I got in, fired her up, and drove in the other direction to the gas station. It was a pleasant day, considering how everything was going to change. It’s funny how days like that work, you’re just going with the flow, and it’s all pleasant and content. It’s almost as if you’re being set up.
"I worked until seven o’clock that evening. Not one unpleasant moment through the day, except that Melly was gone and I already missed her, and Wednesday seem a long time away. Gus drove me home because I was going to be off on Friday and he was going to need the truck all weekend. He asked me if I needed him to pick me up on Saturday, I told him that I would call him if I did; if not that, I would see him on Sunday afternoon. He pulled up next to my house and dropped me off, he slapped me lightly on my shoulder and he said ‘see ya later son’. I told him ‘okay’ and thanked him for the ride. When I was out of the truck, he did a U-turn, slowly, because he was always concerned about kids in neighborhoods, even when there was none around … that was Gus.
“I watched him as he went down to the corner, turned right, and saw the tail lights disappear. And that … was the last time … I ever saw and spoke to Gus.
“I turned to walk up to my house, the old man’s truck was in the carport, and as I walked up, my mood changed to the one that I always had in my house. A little bit of fear of the unknown, because you never knew what was going to happen, and that defense mechanism that I had developed through the years switched on, the one that I would always have to use to pacify the old man so that there would be some kind of peace while we were both there.
“I opened the door and went in, and when I did, I just sensed it, the tension in the air, it was so thick, you could’ve cut it with a knife. Usually he had the television on or he was playing his country and western music either on the radio, or on the record player. He was just sitting there in that old beat up easy chair of his. There was just one light on in the living room, and he watched me as I came in. The familiar odor of him filled the house, the smell of farts and cigarette smoke. I knew in an instant that he was already drunker than hell. He must have started right as he got home, which was at about four of four-thirty, or maybe he even started sometime before, because he would have a little flask with him that he took to his job, and he was putting them down more than usual that day.
“He just stared at me the whole time after I came in, and watched me as I started to walk around the room picking things up and starting to clean up. He didn’t speak a word while I was there. I first picked up all the beer cans to put them it the trash, and then began to empty out all the ashtrays which were more full than ever with his cigarette butts. I brought them over to the sink where I was going to start and wash the dishes.
“He got up and slowly walked towards my direction to the kitchen, he stopped at the refrigerator to open it, and inside I saw that he had two and a half more six packs of Carling Black Label Beer. By the amount of cans that I had just picked up, he had probably drank about ten already. Plus I just knew that he was also doing some shots of Old Grand Dad Bourbon.
“As he closed the refrigerator, he took the magnetic can opener that was on the refrigerator door and opened the can, staring at me the whole time. He lifted the can to his lips and took one long drink, I saw his Adam’s apple going up and down about five or six times, as he drank half of the beer in the can. He then gave me another look, and went back to his chair and sat down.
“For the first time ever, I saw just how pathetic a man that he really was. He was now over thirty-eight years old, it was 1969 and he was still living in his youth, refusing to grow up at all, he was still a teenager in his mind, and he still dressed the same from his era. He wore his hair in that 1950’s ducktail look, with those sideburns that came to a point at his cheeks. He was still trying to be James Dean in ‘Rebel Without a Cause’ or something. He still wore his blue jeans with the cuffs rolled up, and black boots. He wore white t-shirts and still would roll the pack of Lucky Strikes up on his right sleeve so that stupid tattoo ass on his upper right arm would show. It was of a flaming skull with bulging yellow eyes, and a sardonic smile, and the words, ‘Born To Raise Hell!’ encircled around it.
“The years of his drinking though had taken a toll on his body and appearance. He looked more like he was well over fifty, and would comb some of the hair at the top of his head back to hide the bald spot that was starting to spread. Plus, he must have put on thirty to forty pounds of pure beer gut over the years. The women he would bring home from the bars at one time were somewhat attractive, but as he spiraled down to the state he was in then, that all changed. I remember him joking about what he called the ‘closing time’ girls, the no so pretty girls, who were either to fat or to skinny, who would stay and hold out at the bar until closing. Hoping that a man … any man … would try and take them home, even when they knew that it was out of desperation, just so that they would not be alone again that night. My old man had become everything he joked about. He had become a parody of himself.
“He sat in his chair, drinking the beer, and began to stare at me again. I just shifted my defense mechanism to the next gear, turned to water on to the sink, pretended to look at something out of the window, and ignored him. When the sink was full of water, I shut off the faucet, added some dish soap, and began to wash the dishes, the glasses first, just like my mother had taught me. The sounds of the work of my washing the glasses were all you could hear, until he broke the silence.
“So, where do ya think you’re gonna be going too, ya big shit?’ He asked me with an extremely drunken slur.
“He started calling me a ‘big shit’ after I turned fifteen, because I suppose he forgot that kids grow up. I started getting taller than him, and with all the physical conditioning I was doing for the Marines, I was getting bigger also. I was eighteen then, and I was six inches taller than he was.
“I’m off tomorrow’ I told him not looking him though, ‘I’m going to catch up on everything that needs to be done here’.
“There was a few seconds of silence, then he asked me, ‘So, … yer little sweetie get on her way this morning?’ He asked me still not taking his eyes off me.
“Yeah,’ I said, looking at the clock on the stove, ‘they should all be in Milwaukee by now.’
“He took another gulp of the beer, and had this stupid smile on his face.
“Yeah, I saw her the other day in front of the 31 Flavors, I guess she was waitin’ for her mom.’ he slurred, ‘ Yep, Ah-Hah, I tell ya, she’s turned into one nice little piece o’ ass. Ya been gittin any o’ that yet?’
“I felt the first spark of anger with that. There were only three things in my life that he could use to make me angry, and they were all women. My Grandmother, my Mother … and now Melonie. I felt that it was beneath him to even speak her name, and especially with how he referred to her. I snapped a glance at him, and he just sat there smiling, he knew what he was doing, and if Melly were there right then, she would have been telling me to control myself, so that’s what I tried to do. I went back to washing the glasses.
“He stayed quiet again for a few more minutes, I started to get the feeling that he had something planned, and I could do was to wait and see what it was.
“I was at Marvin’s Bar last night.’ he said.
“Why am I not surprised?’ I answered back. He wasn’t too pleased with that remark.
“Watch yer mouth you fukin ‘big shit!’ he angrily said back to me, ‘Yer startin’ to get a mouth on you like that stinkin’ redskin grandma o’ yers! She was always harpin’ on my ass ‘bout something!’
“With that, my anger started to grow. I could feel my heart starting to pound, and my muscles were getting tense, but I tried to remain calm, so I let it go and I didn’t say a word. I was hoping that he would just shut-up and pass out.
“Again, he stayed quiet for a few minutes, and then he said what had become his own personal cliché over the past eighteen years with me; it was like a broken record already.
“Ya know, if it wasn’t fer you and that squaw mother of yers, my life woulda been so much better.’
“With that, I threw the glass that I had been washing back into the sink and I pounded my fist on the countertop. ‘Hey! I got breaking news for you dip shit! The feelings have been mutual for a long, long time!’ I said very angrily, with a stare of my own for him. It was the first time that happened and it startled him; it sure lifted the smile off his face real quick.
“The quiet returned to the room, there we both were facing each other, me standing there with my hands a wet with soap and dishwater, and him sitting in his chair with the beer can in his hand. After a few seconds, I returned to the sink to continue my housework. I was doing the dishes with a bit more intensity. But he remained quiet there in his chair, but it didn’t last long.
“Like I said,’ he started up again, ‘I was at Marvin’s the other night, and I was talkin’ to some of the guys there, and they all have kids at your school’.
“I didn’t answer him; I just kept silent and went on with my work. He lifted the beer can up and finished off all that was left in it.
“Yep’ he said, and then he belched, ‘I even got in on the conversation. It was ‘bout kids and the expenses they put on ya’.
“With that, I got that feeling in your gut that you use to get when you were a kid, and you knew your parents had caught you doing something that you shouldn’t have done. I just tried to act cool.
“He crushed the beer can in his hand and tossed it over to me on the counter. ‘Bring me ‘nother one ya big shit.’ He said.
“I picked up the can from the counter and placed it in the trash, and then I dried my hands with the dishtowel and went to the refrigerator, open the door and got another can of beer. I shut the door, took the can opener off the door, opened it for him, walked over to him in his chair, and held it out to him with my left hand.
“He then grabbed my wrist and held on tight with his right hand, and with his left, he took the can of beer, had a long drink from it, and placed it on the table next to his chair. His eyes were fixed on me the whole time. ‘I searched all over for it big shit,’ he said to me quietly, angry, but quietly. He still was smiling at me at he motioned down the hallway with his eyes.
“Searched for what?’ I said and I pulled my arm away and stepped back. He didn’t say anything he just glanced towards the to where my bedroom was as if he were telling me to go take a look. So I walked down the hallway to my bedroom and when I got there, I saw the he had ransacked it. My bed was overturned, my dresser and everything in it was pulled out and thrown to the floor, everything in my closet was taken out and thrown in the middle of the floor also. I came back to the living room to find him still sitting in his chair, he was actually waiting for me to come back. ‘What the fuck is the matter with you?’ I asked him, knowing all to well what was.
“You really think I’m fukin’ stupid don’t ya?’ He said, with that same stupid smile on his face. The way he said it I knew right then that I was caught, ‘What the fuck do you and yer sweet little piece o’ tail needs passports for?’
“I knew right then … it was confirmed … he knew what I had been hiding for the past few years. Then he began to act inquisitively in a sarcastic way.
“Now, I just wonder where you and the little sweetie just might be thinking’ o’ runnin’ off too.’ He said, he put his index finger to the side of his head as if he were seriously contemplating a mathematical problem, ‘Considerin’ that you got this passport after you turned seventeen, well that tells me that some planning has been done.’
“I did get the passport right after I turned seventeen. That’s the age I could get one without him being present at the government office where I had to get it. After I got it, I kept it hidden with my money in the crawl space down in the basement. I kept silent and just looked at him, the silence was the only thing that I had going for me at the moment, and I knew that if I went to the basement to check and see if he searched there, he would know where everything was, so I tried to remain calm. Then … he started to get up out of his chair.
“He stood up and drank down the rest of the beer in the can in about two seconds, crushed that can in his hand and threw it at me, I ducked and it missed me.
‘Yeah, I found out from some of those folks, who just happen to know your little sweeties family, that you both went down to get those fukin’ passports together with her dear sweet lovable daddy.’ He said, pointing his fingers at me. Then he started to take a step towards me, and I started to take a step back. ‘And, do you know what else I found out?’ He asked this time putting both his index fingers to the sides of his head, ‘that members of the class of 1969 from your high school are taking a little trip this June to none other than fukin’ Europe, now isn’t that just fukin’ nice?’
“He took another step towards me and I took another step back. The anger and sarcasm in his voice started to become more intense.
“Shit man, if I knew that I could find out this much about you and yer goin’ ons at fukin’ Marvin’s Bar, why hell, I woulda joined the fukin’ P.T.A. a helluva long time ago’.
He crossed his arms, but this time he didn’t take a step.
“Now, let’s … see … here.’ He said and he started to rub his chin with his thumb a forefinger, rolled his eyes upward, and acted again like he was trying to solve a great mystery, with his other hand he counted out with his fingers as he said; ‘Passport … one … Europe … two … and the little piece o’ ass … three.’
“He then put his hands on his hips, stepped forward and stood right in front of me. This time though, I just didn’t step back.
“You holdin’ back something on me?’ He asked me in a chillingly quiet tone.
“What are you talking about?’ I answered. With that, he took his right hand and slapped me as hard as he could across my face. A little to his surprise though, I didn’t go down, and I stood my ground right there. When I turned my face back to look at him, he was standing there with his left hand up and all four fingers extended.
“FUKIN MONEY … FOUR!’ He screamed, and then came right up to my face, the beer, booze, and cigarette smell was real strong, ‘You really do, don’t cha you fukin’ injun, you really think I’m fukin’ stupid. It takes money to go to Europe big shit. You got some money stashed around that I don’t know about? You holdin’ out money from me?’
“I wasn’t about to answer that question so I stepped back.
“You are then ain’t cha you injun motherfucker? C’mon, how much you got? Huh? How much you got?’ Then he started to come towards me, only this time his fists were clenched. When he reached me though I took both my open hands and hit him squarely on his chest and knocked him backwards. He landed right on his ass. He seemed surprised at first and then he started to get up.
“Well, there must be quite a chunk of change around here for you to raise yer fukin’ redskin hands to me.’ He said, ‘Yer gonna give it to me big shit, yer gonna give it all to me. As far as I’m concerned, you owe me big for ruinin’ my life.’
“Then he lunged at me, only this time I hit him straight on his face with my right fist and he flew backwards again, his mouth was bleeding now, and I felt a rage coming up through me that was unbelievable. He got up and lunged again at me with his right fist clenched above his head as if he was going to hit me with a hammer. I blocked it with my left arm and I struck him again with my right fist three times to his body, and I heard one of his ribs break, and he went down again.
“He was on his hands and knees, he started to crawl to his chair, and could you believe it? He was laughing; He had so much beer and whiskey in him that he must have though he was indestructible. Blood was still coming from his mouth and when he reached his chair, he turned on his right side and was resting on his elbow, all the time laughing and smiling at me through his bloody teeth.
“Yes sir, there has got to be quite a load o’ cash for you to be trying to protect it.’ He said still laughing and breathing heavy, ‘Well then my boy, you leave me no choice.’
“He reached behind his chair and he pulled out an aluminum softball bat that he had hidden there. When I saw it, I knew then that he had indeed been in the basement, because that’s where he put the bat years before when he stopped playing softball.
“Well my son, I now have no other choice,’ he said as he got up and stood with the bat in his hand, and still smiling, ‘ya won’t tell me nice like … so … I’m just gonna hafta fukin’ kill ya, then tear this shithole place apart ‘til I find it’.
“He came forward fast and swung the bat at me, I jumped backwards and he missed. He swung again, and I managed to have him miss again. But as he was bringing the bat back behind him to try and land one on the third try, I threw myself at him and tackled him. I brought myself down on top of him with all my force and weight. When we landed there was a loud thud, and the force made the bat come out of his hand. I was now on top of him, my left hand was clenched tightly on the collar of his t-shirt, my knees now were on either side of his torso, and then … I lost all control.
“I shifted all my weight to my hands, lifted my body into the air and I struck my right knee into his solar plexus with everything that I had … then … I did it again. I then struck him in the face with my right fist with everything I had as I held him down with my left, still wrapped around his collar. Then, I hit him again. Then … I hit him again … and then again … and again … again … then one more time.
“It was all over in about twenty seconds … thirty tops. I sat there on top of him; I was all out of breath. Eighteen years, eighteen years of anger came out of me in that short span of time. I remember then how quiet everything became, there wasn’t a sound to be heard coming from any direction, except for my breathing. I looked at him, he wasn’t moving, and he wasn’t breathing. I just stared at his face; I must have sat there for ten minutes, right there on top of him, before everything started to sink in. My body began to relax, and I just sat there still. I then realized that every part of my body now was now relaxed, except for my left fist, it was still clenched tight around his collar. I looked at my left fist and I had to force myself to relax it. When I did, the reality of what I had just done came flooding over me.” - - -
- - - “I killed my father Lily.” He whispered softly into her ear, his voice breaking.
Lily removed her sunglasses, she believed that Logan needed to see her eyes; she slid her hands from his forearms, up his biceps, and to his shoulders. When she looked at his face, she saw not only the pain he was experiencing in telling her this dark secret, but she saw shame and remorse in his expression also.
Logan drew a breath, let it out, and looked directly into Lily’s eyes. “I killed my father Lil.” He repeated, whispering, his eyes were beginning to fill with tears, and his bottom lip was quivering, “I beat him to death. I beat him to death … with my bare hands.” - - -
- - - “I got off of him and just looked down. He was just lying there, motionless; I shook his shoulder a couple of times to see if he would wake up or something, but nothing. As the reality of it all began to sink in more, I got very sick and I ran into the bathroom and threw up. I was in there heaving for about ten minutes. I rinsed my mouth out in the sink, and I slowly went back through the hallway back to the living room, hoping maybe to see him sitting in his chair drinking his beer, but when I got there, he was still lying there on the floor.
“I began to shake fiercely, I was so scared, and I didn’t know what to do. I sat down on the sofa and just stared at him, all the time shaking. The quiet stood out the most. It was so quiet; it was as if that room and that house were the only things that existed. I felt that if I were to walk outside at that moment that I would just step into some dark void of space, with no stars around at all, just all black. All movement of time seem to stop, I was here all alone in my own little dimension, in my own little ‘Twilight Zone’.
“I must have sat there looking at him on the floor for about an hour. It took that long for me to finally stop shaking. I was thinking now that it was all over. Everything was gone, in an instant, all gone. Every plan and every dream, gone. The Marine Corps … gone. The trip to Europe … gone.
“I thought about Melonie, and what this was going to do to her, even if I did just ten years, should I really expect her to come visit me once a month at Jackson? That wouldn’t be fair at all, and after I got out, what would I have to offer? Moreover, what if I did get twenty years or even life. I couldn’t let myself be the reason for her life to be in such turmoil.
“Then, the terrorizing thoughts came into my head. It didn’t matter if I was sentenced to one week, one year, ten years, or a hundred years. I was a young man of eighteen, and I was going to prison. If I went to prison, I was going to die there, and if they didn’t kill me, well, then all the other things that they would have done … I would have wished that they killed me.
“I started to shake again, I looked at the clock on the wall, it was only nine o’clock, it had all been less that two hours and it felt as if it were an eternity. I put my face in my hands and I started to blubber like a baby, I was so frightened and I didn’t know the first thing to do. I was so alone there … or so I thought.
“I stopped crying after another few minutes that seemed to go by like days. I sat there with my face in my hands, contemplating when I should call the police. I sat there in that thick quiet that seemed to swallow me up, there seemed no sounds around me at all. Then, I started to feel a strange warm sensation on both my shoulders, and I suddenly became quite tranquil.” - - -
- - - “And then … something extraordinary happened.” Logan said looking back into Lily’s eyes. He had an astonished look on his face.
“I swear to God, I … swear … to … God … that this happened.” He said, emphasizing each word. He then took his right hand, with the forefinger and middle finger together, and the ring finger and middle finger together forming a “V” shape, he placed it on his right ear, his ear in the middle of the “V”. He was rubbing the back of his ear with his middle finger as if he was hearing something. Logan hesitating for a second, looking into Lily’s eyes though, he knew he could trust he with what he was about to say. “For the first time in six years,” he said still emphasizing each word, “I heard my mother’s voice.”
Lily looked slightly taken aback, but she saw that Logan was telling her the truth; he really believed what he just said. He was completely serious. “What did she say hun?” She asked simply, because she believed him.
"She only said two words to me.” Be answered solemnly.
“And what were they?” She asked.
“Beau Geste,” he said, “All she said was ‘Beau Geste’”.
“Beau Geste? Hun, I don’t understand.” Lily said, and he then continued - - -
- - - “Beau Geste. It was my favorite story when I was a kid. My grandpa believe so much in the importance of reading, he had tons of books. He had read ‘Beau Geste’ by Percival Christopher Wren, to my mother when she was a little girl. It was about three brothers, who because of a family matter, ran away to join the French Foreign Legion. It wasn’t just the adventure that she loved about it, but the love and devotion that these three brothers had for each other, well, it reminded her of her uncles, her mother’s brothers. She would always afterwards for the rest of her life, refer to them as ‘The Brothers Geste’.
“She read the story to me when I was a little boy, and whenever the movie came on, the one with Gary Cooper, Ray Milland and Robert Preston, she made sure that everything in the house was caught up so we would watch it together. I remember watching it with her three times, and all three times, we watched it, we were on that exact sofa that I was sitting on right at that moment. I began to get lost in that memory, her and I on the sofa with her arm around me. I would always be choked up at the scene where the Robert Preston gave Gary Cooper the Vikings funeral that he always promised him. Just my mother and I, watching that movie, for just a little while there were no worries and no tension from my old man. I must have sat there for about ten minutes lost in that memory and playing scenes from the movie repeatedly in my head.
“I then just happened to glance over and see my fathers’ body still lying there, and reality came crashing back. I’m thinking to myself, ‘what the hell is the matter with me?’ I just took my fathers life, and I’m sitting on the sofa thinking about my favorite scenes from an old movie about the French Foreign Legion! For a second I thought I must me going a little crazy when a thought came into my head.
“The French Foreign Legion. There is a scene in the movie when Beau runs away from the home in England that he lived in with his aunt and two brothers. He ran to protect their Aunt from a scandal. When they discovered Beau had left one brother, Digby, asked the other brother, John, ‘Where would you go to hide from everything and still find some excitement?’ And John answered, ‘the Foreign Legion.’
“I still had that warm feeling on my shoulders, and I realized that I wasn’t shaking anymore and that I was relatively calm. It was the old feeling I use to get whenever I was scared or hurt and I went to my mother, how she made me feel better and safe.” - - -
- - - “I swear by all that’s holy, her presence was with me in that room.” He emphasized to Lily. - - -
- - - “It was like what I told you that night when Caesar was killed, when you are faced with a moment where you know your going to die, and the slightest option to save yourself comes along, no matter how slim your chances are to survive, you take the chance, and that chance just came into my thoughts.
“When I was reading all of those books about the military, I also read about the French Foreign Legion, one of the most elite fighting forces in the world. I read about its history, and how it is only made up of men who are foreigners to France. I also remembered one thing about them, that there were no questions asked when you enlisted with them. It wasn’t an easy life, but many men chose it over the alternatives they faced wherever it was they came from. All you had to do was to get to France at your own expense and enlist, if you made it you stayed, if not, you were let go and you were on your own. The thought kept going over in my head; I began to remember everything that I had read about joining the Legion. I felt like something or someone was pushing me to do it. Then I looked again at my fathers’ body on the floor, I thought about what would happen to me in prison. The notion of the Legion kept going repeatedly in my head, and soon, it started to become my only outside chance of survival.
“Things started to fall into place. Instead of the negative thoughts I was having, I started to think of the advantages that I had. First … nobody knew what just happened, nobody was going to be coming over to my house anytime soon, in fact we hardly had any visitors except his mother and father, and that became rare over the years. I was still only less than two hours into this ordeal.
“My second advantage that came into my head, I had just turned eighteen, I was of legal traveling age, hell I was of legal anything age.
“My third advantage was ironic. Yes, my fathers suspicions were correct, I had indeed saved up quite a bit of money over the past four years with my job, the odd jobs I did on the side, saving pocket change, being frugal, hell, I even turned in soda pop and beer bottles for the deposits. I had five thousand dollars in cash saved up in that metal box I had stored away. I was going to use it for the trip to Europe and to give Melly the time of her life. Whatever I had left over I was going to give to her so that after I enlisted into the Marine Corps, she would have money to move to where ever it would be that I was stationed at first. We’d then get married, and would have money still left over to help get us an apartment and to get started. It was going to be a surprise, but now that was all gone.
“My fourth advantage … I had a passport.
“However, the only way any of this would work was that I had to leave, and I had to leave right then, at that very moment. I felt that also, something or someone was telling me to leave … leave now. Whatever it was, it was guiding me.
“I got up from the sofa to go into the basement, when I turned on the light my suspicions were proven correct. My old man had indeed been down there, and he had torn up the basement looking for my money. I looked to the small door that covered the crawl space and it was open, actually, it was torn all the way off. I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. I looked around and rummaged through everything that was on the floor and found the flashlight that we kept down there. I went to the crawl space and got down on all fours to peer inside. I turned the light to the far corner to see the brick was where my money and passport were hidden behind. When the light shown on the brick I could see to my relief that it wasn’t touched. Apparently, the old man just looked in there, and my meticulous way in which I kept putting the brick back had paid off.
“So, I stripped down naked again and went inside to the end of the crawl space, I had a couple of small pieces of a wire hanger with a makeshift hook on the ends that I kept near it to help loosen it so I took it and pried the brick back enough just so that I could bring the rest out by hand. When I pulled, the brick out I reached inside the wall and to the left and felt the metal box and brought it out. I opened it a looked in with the flashlight, and my relief was then confirmed, all my money, everything I worked for was still there wrapped in the plastic bag I had to protect it, along with my passport.
“I crawled back out and into the room of the basement. I started to think about going to the Detroit Metro Airport to get on the next plane to anywhere in France, but then I started to think of what if I’m there and something goes wrong? What if I’m there trying to use my passport, and they find my father’s body, or there is some record of me boarding a plane to France? What if they know that I’m in France and they contact authorities there to look for me before I can even get to a Legion recruiting office? All these scenarios of me being caught were starting to bring the panic back.
“Then suddenly … whatever it was that was with me … I don’t know … but whatever … another advantage I had came into my head. I was only thirty minutes away from the Canadian border.
“Then my thought process began to take over again and I was calm. All I had to do was to drive into Detroit, and cross the Ambassador Bridge in Windsor, Ontario. There I could find a bus or a train to maybe Toronto or Ottawa, and get a flight to France. Still it was the outside chance I had to take; I could probably be in either city by early morning. I would just try to get any flight that I could. However, I had to leave and I had to leave now, right then.
“I realized that I was still naked and standing in the basement. I decided to take a quick shower and get cleaned up. I didn’t want to look like someone who was on the run, and I didn’t want to draw any suspicion. So, I ran back upstairs, and I had the thought that when I got up there, my old man would be standing there waiting with the bat to take my money away. But, when I got there, it was still the same; he was lying there in the exact same position.
“I ran into the bathroom, it was somewhat ransacked too. I jumped in the shower and lathered up real quick and rinsed off, I went to the mirror and saw that I needed to shave, so I did, and I was amazed at how calm I was, as if things were flowing the way they were supposed to be. After I shaved, I checked my face to see if the old man had bruised me; it was just a little red, but no bruising. I dried off and went into my bedroom; I put on clean underwear, blue jeans, black undershirt, white socks, boots, and my Detroit Tigers sweatshirt. I grabbed my Detroit Tigers duffle bag and began to pack just the essentials that I was going to need. Clean underwear, t-shirts, socks, another sweatshirt, athletic shoes, another pair of jeans, and a shaving kit.
“I zipped my duffel bag up and walked into the living room. I saw the keys to my fathers’ truck next to the phone on the counter in the kitchen and I grabbed them. I went to the hall closet, stepping over my fathers’ body to get my leather bomber jacket, inside the pocket of my jacket were some leather gloves and I put them on. I was going to be driving my old man’s truck and I was now concerned about fingerprints. I knew some of mine had to be there already, but I didn’t want to leave any fresh ones.
“Then I went to the front door and began to gather my thoughts, I looked at the clock and it was now just a little after ten o’clock. If things went smoothly, I would be in Canada by midnight. I looked around, and it started to hit me, I knew my advantages, but now the disadvantages were coming to mind. I was leaving my home, I had too. Just a few hours ago I was thinking that I was going to clean the kitchen up and watch a little TV, then go to bed, now I was running away from a terrible situation, using a plan that just popped into my head.
"I looked at my fathers’ body again, and the thought of how things would be if I didn’t run overpowered any thought of my staying and facing what I had just done. I just knew that if I stayed, I was going to jail, and if I went to jail, I was going to die in there.
“I turned the doorknob and walked out of my house, turn off the light with the switch by the door, and I shut it behind me and locked it. I was telling myself just to act calm in case anyone was looking at me as I left the house. I then realized another advantage I had. It was spring break, and practically everyone in the neighborhood had left for a vacation. I walked over to my old mans’ truck and got in. Put the keys in the ignition and fired it up. It came to life and I saw that the tank was half-full, more than enough to get to Detroit. I knew that the truck was in good running condition; because that truck was really the only thing my old man took care of, he loved that truck more than me, and took better care of it too.
“I pulled out of the driveway and saw now how dark my house was, no lights on at all. I thought to myself that I had another advantage, with the lights out, and his truck gone, people might think my old man left for the weekend, and that may help me buy a little more time.
“I turned onto our street and began to drive, I was going to just drive straight to Interstate 94 and drive in the opposite direction that Melly and her family took on it, because I was going into Detroit. I was about a mile away from my house when I stopped. Before I left, I had to make just one stop, I just had too. I turned and went into the direction of the cemetery where my mother is buried, it is on the outside of town on a back road, and I thought nobody would pass by at this time of night.
“It took about ten minutes until I got there. It was dark and nobody was around. I parked the truck to the side of the road, shut it off and turned out the lights. I reached into the glove box where my old man kept a flashlight, then I got out of the truck and I felt the cool of the night right away. It was clear, and you could see practically the entire galaxy through the trees. The cemetery was on the other side of the road just up ahead. I walked up quickly to it; there was a five-foot wrought iron fence that surrounded it. I placed my hands to the top of it and I jumped up and over into the cemetery.
“It was easy for me to find her grave; I had been there practically every week to visit her since she died. I walked right over to her grave, I turned the flashlight on just for a second to make sure I was right in front of her grave marker, and, I just wanted to see her name. When I saw that I was there, I shut the light off, and began to talk to her.
“Hello Mama, I don’t have much time, but I couldn’t leave without seeing you at least.’ I said, I remember everything I said to her and I kept looking around to make sure that nobody was going to drive by, ‘I’m so sorry Mama, I didn’t mean to do it, but I thought he was going to kill me. He said that he was, and I don’t think anyone will believe me. I heard you Mama, I heard you as plain as I hear myself right now. I know it’s you Mama, I know it’s you helping me.’
“I paused for a minute because tears were streaming down my face and the pain in my throat became almost unbearable. I pulled myself together and continued to speak to her, ‘I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to come back here Mama, but I just have to tell you that you were a great mother and still are. I love you and I miss you so much. You’ll always be in my heart.’ I bent down and I kissed her headstone three times, and I then stood up and looked down at her resting place one last time. ‘Good-bye Mama.’ I said, and then I turned to run back to the fence. When I got there, I looked back one more time, then pulled myself up and over the wrought iron, landed on the other side, and went back to the truck.
“Nobody drove down the road the whole short time I was there. I got into the truck, started it up, and began to drive down the road. I was crying as I passed the cemetery. I had to pull myself together real quick because I had about a thirty mile ride into Detroit. I didn’t want to take the chance of anyone seeing me driving in my old man’s truck through Ypsilanti, so I decided to stay on the back road until I came to the next town called Canton. There I got on a main road that quickly took me to Interstate 94 going into Detroit.
“The whole time I was on the highway I kept looking at the speedometer to make sure I was doing the speed limit, and I was concentrating on my driving. I didn’t want to draw any attention to myself whatsoever. I kept talking to myself the whole time, tell myself to stay cool, be calm, drive safe. I could see the city lights of Detroit the whole time I was driving. It only took less than a half an hour, but it seemed like I would never get there.
“Finally, I got on the off ramp to the city. Funny thing about Detroit, you can be in a safe section, and just walk a couple blocks, it’s like a ‘no man’s land.’ I went near the section known as Greek Town. I drove around in the truck for a few minutes; I was scouting an area a few blocks outside of Greek Town that I knew was a bad section. I looked around to make sure that it was clear and that a pathway I need was clear too. When, I felt confident enough, I parked the truck on the side of the street. I shut it off, pulled the keys from the ignition, wiped them off on my sweatshirt, and then placed them on the seat in plain sight. I got out of the truck and began to jog the few blocks to Greek Town. The neighborhood that I left my old man’s truck? Well, I knew that the truck would be stolen within the next couple of hours. The keys on the seat looked as if the slipped out of the drivers jacket, and I left the doors unlocked. That truck would be stolen and taken to a chop shop somewhere, disassembled and sold for parts. It would help me buy some more time.
“I got to Greek Town with no trouble and I looked around to find a taxi, which only took a few minutes. I hailed a taxi, and the driver pulled up to me. I got in and told him to take me to the Ambassador Bridge. The ride over was quiet, and I sat in the corner so that the driver would have a minimal view of my face. To keep him from looking that much we had just a small talk conversation, mostly about the Red Wings and the Tigers.
“Next thing I know I’m at the bridge, I got out of the cab and paid my fair, and I gave the driver a good tip, they remember the faces of the cheap drivers. I walked over to the pedestrian entrance of the bridge and began to walk over the bridge. The Ambassador Bridge spans over the Detroit River into Canada. I was just looking downward as I crossed, halfway over I saw that I still had my gloves on, so I removed them, and threw them off the bridge into the river.
“The whole walk over took only about fifteen minutes. I was coming on the down ramp and next thing I knew, I was stepping into Canada. I walked into the receiving office where the Canadian official was to greet me. She was a young little plump girl wearing an official uniform in a room with a glass barrier. I looked up and saw the clock on the wall, it was just a few minutes past midnight, things were just flowing along.
‘Good evening.’ she said to me, “May I see your ID?’
“I pulled out my drivers’ license and showed her.
“Belated Happy Birthday.’ She said, “How long are you planning on staying in Canada?’
“Thank you, just until Tuesday, Wednesday at the latest.’ I replied.
“Are you here for business or pleasure?’ She asked. I had to think of something fast, and in a split second I was just making up a story to her, it came out so natural.
“I’m meeting a couple of friends of mine in Ottawa, it’s spring break and we’re all going up to Montreal to impress all the girls with how well we speak French.’
“The girl behind the desk then began to speak French to me; she told me that she was from Montreal.
“So, I answered her in French saying, Really, you mean then all the girls in Montreal are as pretty as you?’ She smiled and blushed a little, so I guess it worked. She then said to me, again in French, ‘Welcome then to Canada, I hope you enjoy your stay.’ She said and handed me back my identification.
"Then answering her in French I said, ‘Thank you, I’ll see you on the way back’. She blushed again with that, ‘Can you tell me how to get to the train station from here? And, I also need information on where I can exchange American currency for Canadian.’ She gave me the directions and some information where I could exchange my money. I thanked her again and waived good-bye, and I stepped out into Canada. I began walking from the station to look for another taxi, when I looked up and I saw the view of Detroit from across the river. I stopped for a minute and just looked at the city, it seemed so peaceful from that side of the river, nothing like the reputation that it had.
“Then I realized that I was at the point of no return, that this was going to be the last time that I would ever see my country. I was never going to see my home ever again. I was never going to see my mothers’ gravesite ever again. Then the hardest thought came into my head, which I was never, ever going to see Melonie again. I was trying to think of what it was she was doing right then at that moment, that she was probably asleep at her aunt’s house in Milwaukee, and had absolutely no idea what was going on right now. My eyes began to well up with tears, and the ache in my throat had returned. I looked into the city of Detroit one last time.
‘Good-bye Melonie, I’m sorry, but it will be better this way. I hope you’ll forgive me someday, I love you.’ I said to the view of Detroit. I turned, found a cab, and went to the train station.
“My plan now was to get to Ottawa, or maybe even Toronto and get on the next flight to France somehow. I got to the train station and found a train to Toronto that was leaving in an hour so I purchase a one-way ticket. The clerk there let me exchange some of my cash for Canadian currency..
“I then felt how hungry I was so I found a diner in the train station I sat at the counter and ordered a sandwich and coffee, I didn’t realize how hungry I was, and my whole appetite was gone for the last few hours. I was starting to accept my fate. Another thought came into my head, another advantage that I just may have. When they did find my old man’s body, the first place that they would try to look for me would be in South Dakota, at the Cheyenne River Reservation. I still had my grandparents there. That would by more time if I needed I began to feel a little more relaxed. Then I became sad again when I realized that now I would never see them or the reservation ever again.
“The time came to board the train and I found a seat right by the window. I was riding on an emotional roller coaster going all up, down and sideways. Everything was going through my head, especially Melly, and what she was going to be going through on Wednesday when she got back to Ypsilanti. All I could do was to have faith in all her family and her friends to help her get through what was going to happen. It was killing me, because I knew that I could have no contact with her, if she knew where I was and didn’t tell the police, she could get in trouble for aiding and abetting me.
Next thing I knew the train is pulling out, and I was on my way to Toronto. I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. I started to have thoughts of me getting off the train in either Toronto or Ottawa and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police would be there waiting for me. But, every time I did, I felt the warmth on my shoulders again and calmed down. I started to believe that everything was going to be all right. I just had to keep going.
“I was in Toronto in a few hours, I felt so alone, I was alone, I was as alone as you could get. I got to the airport and went directly to the Air France terminal. I got to the service desk and I showed them my passport and ID, and the next thing I know I had a one-way ticket to Paris. The flight was not for another five hours or so. So I went to the corridor that was near the gate that I was going to be using and I sat there and waited, all the time looking around me. Every time I saw a Toronto Police Officer or a Canadian Mountie, I thought that they were going to come directly for me. One thing that kept going through my head was that this is it … this IS it … I’m really going … I’m leaving and I’m not coming back.
“Then, finally people began to show up at the gate for the flight to Paris. After a while they were announcing that we all had to board. I soon boarded the plane and I had a seat by the window near the back, and I put my duffle bag in the overhead compartment. I just sat looking out the window, I didn’t even see the older couple who sat next to me, and I just gazed out that window. I was still half-nervous of maybe the flight being delayed and the police coming aboard to take me away. But, time seemed to go faster now, and before I knew it, the doors to the plane were being sealed, and the engines were roaring to life.
“I felt the planes slight jerk as it moved from the gate, and began to make its way to the runway. There were about three planes ahead of us but there was hardly any wait at all, we soon were on the runway, the engines roared, the plane accelerated, I felt my body being pressed against my seat as we gained speed down the runway, and then I felt the plane leave the ground. I continued to look out the window to see the ground falling lower and lower below me.
“For the first time since the evening before, I felt relief. I stared out the window for the next couple of hours until I saw the Atlantic Ocean, and as soon as I saw nothing but the water below me, I fell asleep. When I woke, we were beginning our decent into Paris, and that made everything official, I was gone, and I had disappeared.
“It was late evening when I got to Paris; there’s a seven-hour time difference from Michigan. I got the same treatment through customs when they checked my passport and asked about my intentions while I was staying in France, I told them that I was there to join the Legion, they smiled at me and hurried me through. I left the airport and found a cab, when I got in; the driver asked me where my destination was. When I told him Fort de Nogent he turned quickly to look at me. He looked me over and saw that I was only carrying my duffle bag. He looked in my face and I just nodded ‘yes’ to him, and he turned to drive to eastern Paris where the Legion’s recruiting station is located.
“He did ask me if I was going there to enlist and I told him that what was precisely what I was doing. I looked around to see some of the sights of Paris, sights that I was supposed to be enjoying with Melonie in just a few months, and I started again to feel so sorry for what she was about to go through. Next thing I knew I was in front of Fort de Nogent, looking at the arch entryway with LEGION ETRANGERE carved into the stone of the arch. I got out of the cab to pay, and I gave the cab driver an extremely generous gratuity. When he looked up at me he had an amazed look on his face, and I just said to him in French, ‘They’re only going to let me have two hundred francs to begin with, thank you for the ride’
“Thank you monsieur,’ he said to me and as I walked away I heard him say, ‘and good luck to you Legionnaire’.
“I walked up to the gate, and the uniformed guard saw me and greeted me. I told him that I was there to enlist. He opened the gate … and let me in.” - - -
- - - Logan stared down at his feet for a couple more seconds, and then looked up to see Lily gazing back at him, she looked very emotional.
“I figured by the time they found my fathers’ body, I was scrubbing pots in the scullery at Fort de Nogent with Mahmood,” He said, “and by that Wednesday when Melonie returned to Ypsilanti, I was on a train, on my way to my basic training in Aubagne.”
Lily placed hers hands on Logans face, he indeed was emotional in telling her his story. He began to speak again.
“I still believe that it was better for me to disappear than to put her through my being imprisoned. I mean how many years would go on of her driving to the prison to visit me, and who knows how long WE would last? Do you know what I mean? And suppose if I would have gotten killed in there? It would have been worse for her if I didn‘t run.” He said, “I just hope that she has found some great guy that has given her a good life and helped her get over all the pain that I caused.”
Lily now wrapped her arms around his neck, and he whispered into her ear:
“So you see Lily? If you marry me, you’re going to be marrying a killer. You’ll be marrying a wanted man. I’m wanted back in the States, and I can never go back there.” he paused for a second then continued, “I can’t believe that I’m with the police, It’s like being Wyatt Earp. He was a famous lawman back in America in the days of the old west, but he was both an outlaw and a lawman”.
Lily embraced him tighter around his neck and she whispered, “Oh, Logan. The things you’ve been through”.
“Humph.” Logan sighed.
“What honey?” Lily asked whispering.
“Logan.” He said, “That’s another thing, Logan is not the name that I was given when I was born. It’s not my real name”.
Lily pulled her head back to look at him; she had a confused expression on her face. “I don’t understand honey”.
“When you join the Legion, you can give them any name that you wish.” Logan explained, “That’s one of the great things about it, if you want to disappear, you just can. The Legion doesn’t care what your name is; all they care about is the man, his devotion to his duty and to the Legion. I chose the name Logan after my great-grandfather, who was a great man among the Lakota, Logan Twelve Horses. Ian of course is my grandfather, and Morrow is my mothers’ maiden name.” Logan then took another deep sigh and then continued. “It’s been so long since anyone has called me by my given name.” He said, “I sometimes forget what it is.”
“Oh baby.” Lily said, trying to comfort him.
“Brent.” He said, “My given name was Brent. Brent Michael Lyle. My old man gave me that name, after some friends of his or something. My mother would never call me that though, she would either use ‘little man‘, or my Lakota name.” There was a quiet pause between them, and then Logan said, “So there you have it Lily. What do you have to say to all this?”
She embraced him again a put her lips to his ear and began to whisper her answer to him. “You’re not a killer Logan. You are not a murderer. You said it yourself, your father was going to kill you, you were just defending yourself, and you were defending yourself to him for the first time ever.”
“It’s not an excuse in the eyes of the law in Michigan.” Logan told her.
“It’s a tragic set of circumstance,” she said, “and you would have gone to prison, and you could well be dead a long time now. You had to do what you did to survive, and honey you have paid an awful price for it. Your dreams, seventeen years in the Legion, your life, your home, your family … and … your Melonie.”
Logan let out a hitching sigh. “I came here you know.” He said to her, looking around.
“Where, here? To the Tower?” she asked.
“Yes. On my first permission of vacation leave.” He said, “It was six months after my enlistment. Legionnaires are allowed only to travel throughout France on their leaves, nowhere outside the country, so I came here to Paris. I came here to the Tower and I had the cheese, strawberries, and champagne, that Melly and I were supposed to have, knowing she was here just a couple months before, or at least I hope she still got to come here”.
Logan paused to clear his throat and swallow hard. “It was the least I could do,” He then said, “I felt terrible about what I had to do as far as she was concerned, but as I said, as bad as it was, it was the best thing for me to do.” He paused once again and was in deep thought for a moment. “And then, there’s what I promised to my mother.” He said as he lowered his head.
Lily then placed both her hands on the side of his face and raised his to hers. She looked him in the eyes and said, “Logan … you DID keep your promise to her.”
“I did?”
“Yes, you did. You became and still are a good man. You had to leave that boy behind back in America, and he became the good, and I mean, really good and decent man whom I’ve fallen deeply in love with.” She then gave him a long passionate kiss on the lips, and then she whispered softly in his ear: “This secret, I will tell no one. It will be only between you and myself. We will only discuss it between ourselves, when we’re alone, and only when you want to. I swear I will never repeat it to anybody,” and then she added, “I’ll take this with me to my grave”.
She then pulled her face away to once again see his face. “Marry me Logan.” She then said, again straightforward and outright. The half smile again appeared on her face.
“OK Lil.” He then said, “When do you want to have the wedding?”
“Today,” she said, “this morning … right now”.
Logan looked a little startled, but he wasn’t surprised. “I thought that there was this like, ten day waiting period or something we have to do.” He said.
“Yes, there is luv, unless we can get a waiver.”
He saw an expression on her face, with the half smile still there, and he became suspicious. “I’ll wager that you can get this waiver,” he said, “or that you already have it.”
“Claude has some connections at the de l’etat civil and contacted them yesterday afternoon.” She informed him, “Clive has some connections also hun, and he’s calling them also. He’s also contacting some else that you know”.
“And that would be?”
“Your Captain Thiebulet.” She told him nonchalantly, never changing the expression on her face or breaking the half smile.
“Captain Thiebulet? My Boss?” Logan said wide eyed.
“Yes hun, we figured that if a captain with the French National Police called the Procureur de la Republique on behalf of one of his favorite officers, along with two of the most well known businessmen of Paris, that it would really help.”
Logan looked at her in silence for a few seconds, and her expression never changed. “How long have you been planning this?” He asked her.
“Since half past one yesterday afternoon. Let me explain.” She said, and gave her story, “I was in the salon, and Cosette and Miriam made light of me because I keep saying things like ‘Logan says this and Logan says that’, or “Logan was doing this or that.’ Therefore, Miriam asks me ‘Why don’t you just marry him?’ I said I will the second he asks me. Therefore, she then says, ‘But … You are Lily! Why wait? Why do you not just ask him?’ Therefore, I thought for a second, and then I said ‘OK I’ll do so tomorrow and I’ll marry him tomorrow also.”
Logan’s’ jaw slacked open for a moment, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, but at the same time he could. He shook his head in disbelief.
“Your Captain said he would make his calls, he just has to hear from you.” She said quietly to him.
He looked at her again, and all he did was see her face, she wouldn’t change her expression, but he could tell that the suspense was driving her crazy. He then purposely stayed silent for a few more seconds, and then said ‘Well, I shouldn’t keep Captain Thiebulet waiting.” He said, “Can I have Jean-Luc as my best man?
The other side of Lily’s mouth joined in for a full smile, which Logan always called her ‘victory smile’, whenever she got him to do what she wanted. She then embraced him tight around his neck.
“C’mon, we got to go back and get our papers and credentials.” He told her.
“Just yours hun, I have mine with me”.
“I should have known. Let us then go my fiancé.
They both proceeded back to the elevator, Lily now very upbeat, had her hands on their usual place on Logan’s right arm. Once inside, she wrapped her arms around his waist and placed her head on his chest while he put his arm around her. They reached the ground and then began their walk back over the Iena Bridge. As they walked over Lily looked at the River Siene to see the sunlight as it reflected off the water.
“Logan, look.” She said pointing to it, “Light from the Waters, how beautiful”.
“Must be ‘good medicine’ then.” He said, and Lily looked confused, “Indian term for a good omen.”
“Ohh.” She replied.
They both were now halfway across when Lily stopped for a second.
“Hun, if I ever indeed wanted to have someone I don’t like ‘disappear’ as you say …” She began to say.
“Hold it,” Logan interrupted her raising his hand in jest, “we’ll cross that bridge if or when we ever come to it”.
Then looking around and realizing where he was standing, he added “No pun intended.”
* * *
Logan and Lily were married at 3:00 that very afternoon. Clive was correct with his idea that Captain Thiebulet’s influence would help get the waiver without any trouble. When Logan called him about the waiver that morning, he found that the good Captain had already made all the contacts necessary. When Clive introduced himself to him on the phone and told him of his incredible request, he also told him about Lily and her feelings for his top officer. It seems that there was a bit of the romantic under that rough exterior of the veteran police Captain. The wedding ceremony had in attendance Cosette, Miriam, and Giselle as the maids of honor. Jean-Luc was Logan’s best man, his wife also attended, along with Clive, Claude, Captain Thiebulet, his wife, and Bricey, who acted a bit heartbroken.
After the civil ceremony, Claude announced that he was throwing a wedding reception for the happy couple at Le Club Argenté D'oiseau and all were invited, everyone was to be there at 8:00 PM.
“C’mon honey,” Lily said in Logan’s ear, “let’s go home and consummate this.”
As they turned to go, Logan suddenly stopped and looked at her.
“What is it luv?” Lily asked.
“Which home?”
Lily placed her fingertips to her lips, they both realized that they now had two homes and someone was going to have to move.
“Let’s go to your place,” Logan said, “it’s prettier’.
“It’s now our place honey.” She said, giving him a kiss.
* * *
Two hours later they both were lying in Lily’s brass bed, Logan holding her in his right arm while Lily rested her head on his chest, with the sheets pulled up to her shoulders.
All was quiet except for the usual afternoon noises coming from outside.
“I think I’d like to live here … in this place.” Logan said to her.
“You want to move your things here hun?”
“Yes, I like your place.” He said to her, “I like the color, and the fragrances, and I’m relaxed here. My place is … well … so stuffy … so military like”.
“But, you’d want to live in this borough of the city?” She asked. “We’d probably be the only straight couple here.”
“That doesn’t bother me, they’re all your friends, and the salon is just down the street.” He said looking down at her, “Besides, nobody around here is really hurting anyone, are they?”
She looked up to his face and then gave him a very passionate kiss on the lips. She brushed her lips around his cheek and up to his ear where she whispered in it, “I love you … my Scowls like the Wolf.” - - -
- - - Logan slipped off his headphones as the opera finished. He looked to his wrist watch and saw that there were a little over two more hours before his plane would land at Heathrow Airport in London. He leaned over and took out his plane ticket from the pouch in front of him to double check on his connecting flight to Zurich and then went over his itinerary. He would get to Zurich, check into his hotel, then call to leave a message to Mr. Ingemar Sorensen, the manager at the Swiss bank where all of his funds were wired to.
He would then make arrangements with Mr. Sorensen on all the various ways that Logan would be able to control, invest, track and use these funds.
He believed that he would need two to three days in Zurich to make these arrangements. Logan also thought that it would be in his best interest now to buy some new clothes while there.
He would also book passage on the EuroRail train that would take him from Zurich back to Paris. He thought of Paris and how many tasks he had to do when he arrived. He pondered on trying to see if it were possible at all to get his home back. Then there was the matter of all his and Lily’s old friends whom he has had no contact with since he left France. Those were the two main matters and he started to feel somewhat nervous when thinking of all the old friends.
They were all so close, however, after “it” happened, he just couldn’t cope. He hurt so much and could not think logically anymore. So, he took this job and left. How will they react to him after all this time? How angry will they be?
He then thought to himself that he would have to cross that bridge when he comes to it, that he has other business to conduct first before he even gets back home to Paris. He then decided to use the restroom and to freshen himself up a little before he landed in London. He unbuckled his seatbelt and stood up, as he did he noticed the young lady who sat across from him. She was now fast asleep in her seat with the magazine on her lap. Logan wondered to himself just which of the “25 SURE FIRE WAYS” that she was going to use on whatever young man it was that she had her sights on.
And then he thought of the words that Lily herself said to him on the day she proposed to him:
“I’ll take this with me to my grave.”
No comments:
Post a Comment